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“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage.” Though this elementary school earworm may have been the norm for generations past, it could use a modern remix: Over 40% of all children are now born outside of marriage, and the majority of births to unmarried young women under 30 are unplanned. While there will always be young couples “sitting in a tree,” Brookings expert Isabel Sawhill thinks it’s time to “change the default” from childbearing by chance to childbearing by choice. In her new book, Generation Unbound: Drifting into Sex and Parenthood without Marriage, she explains how we can make this shift, while exposing some pretty harsh truths about sex and parenthood in the process. Here are a few: