“Are You Single As F*ck?”

Dear men, please don’t say these things anymore.

Men have said a lot of weird stuff to me throughout my 27 years on this planet. You know what I’m talking about ladies. The lines that make you immediately text your best friend like, “wtfdidhejustsay?”

Disclaimer: This list is not meant to be a personal attack on the men who said these things to me (I protect the innocent) and I’m sure there are some crazy things that us women have said to men. This is just my story and I feel like it would be beneficial to share so that no men ever utter these lines again. To anyone.

Here they are in no particular order:

ID: 1130318

1. “Are you single or single as f*ck?” - said to me and my friend by some random guy in Atlantic City.

Sir, can you please clarify the difference between the two?

I think “single as f*ck” is the cat lady stage. He never gave us a definitive answer.

My face:

In any case, dude definitely made me ponder.

ID: 1130297

2. “Yeah I want to hang out, but I’m not free until June 22nd.”-said to me on March 31st.

Good thing I gave him at least two months notice right?

My face:

ID: 1130229

3. “I’m excited for our movie date!” Two minutes later… “Wait, can we not call it a date? Maybe a friendly hangout? Don’t need labels. Kind of freaks me out.”-via a text.

Ouch bro, at least let me answer you back before you have a commitment freak out.

My face:

ID: 1130248

4. “Is your hair orange because you eat so many carrots?”- said to me while getting coffee, which makes the carrot comment even weirder.

This dude was wearing a leather jacket when it was 90* out. I’m a redhead. I don’t know if these facts help you.

My face:

Also, kind of this:

ID: 1130210

5. “Can I have some gum?” “Sorry, I don’t have any left.” “What about the piece in your mouth?”-said to me by the bro-iest of all bros.


My face:

ID: 1130381

6. “When I get back I’d like to take you out to dinner.” “Where are you going? Business trip?” “Umm, yeah. Something like that…”- Jail. He meant when he got out of jail.

That was my last Match.com email.

My face(s):

ID: 1130477

7. “Wow two bottles huh!???? You must be partying tonight. Will you be alone?”-Liquor store run in.

Never, I repeat NEVER insult my wine buying. And why do you need to know if I’ll be alone? That question is a one way ticket to creeperville buddy.

My face:

ID: 1130273

8. “I own the deli down the street, come on in sometime and I’ll give you a free sandwich.”-said to me at the grocery store.

Okay to be fair this was a valiant effort. I love sandwiches. But the thought of going into the deli for my free sandwich (and possibly love?) just made me feel weird. Sorry deli guy. :(

My face:

ID: 1130259

9. “Oh no my mom just came home. Can you go out the window?”-said to me while watching a movie with a high school boyfriend.

I guess his parents had a no girls over rule?

Oh by the way his room was on the second floor.

I’m still not over it.

My face:

ID: 1130222

No hate towards these dudes, but it looks like I dodged some bullets.*

*I just wanted to use this Nicholas Cage GIF:

You guys, dating is rough and relationships are a lot of work. You have to deal with a lot of silliness and that’s okay! Whether you are single or taken, I hope you enjoy the ride.

I am obviously not an expert. Please don’t take my advice.

Please share you favorite pickup lines so I feel less alone.

ID: 1130293

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