Stages Of Starting A New Diet

Yay! Summer is here! Let the misery begin!

False Sense of Super Being Strength

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"I can do this forever, I could be a new person. Maybe I should sign up for a half marathon…"

Becoming That Person You/Everyone Hates

"It's so easy, you know, it's just eating right and exercising! It's not even just about losing weight, it's about becoming healthier both physically AND mentally."

Knowing Exactly How Many Calories/ Carbs/Fat is in EVERYTHING

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"If I have half a serving of nuts, I can squeeze in that cottage cheese after lunch and have enough fat for dinner!"

Repeatedly Telling People Your Aren't Hungry, Which is a Lie

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"I know my stomach is growling! No! I can't eat anything! Please go about your day pretending my insides aren't screaming at you!"

Looking Forward to Bedtime Knowing Your Next Meal is Around the Corner

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"When I wake up, those oats are going to taste so good! They haven't yet, but that's because my tastebuds haven't adjusted, THEY WILL!"

So, so, sleepy...

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"I slept for 10 hours and I still can't make it to 4pm"

Despising Your Coworkers

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"Oh, you're ALL going out for drinks? Great! I will just sit there with my lemon water! You guys are way fun SOBER!"

Scouring the Internet for Delicacies and Junk Food Knowing it Will Only Make it Worse

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"32 cheese recipes? I can spend an hour with this…"

Hating Your Friends Food Decisions

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"No don't order that! Why are you ordering veggies instead of fries?!"

Constantly Being Late on Account of Staring At Your Progress in the Mirror

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"I think my lats are starting to show, or are those my delts?"

Conversations with Your SO Turn Into Erotic Culinary Dialogue

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"What is that? Sour cream? Where are you gonna put it?"

Finally, Realizing This Lifestyle is Not for You

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"Well, I can have one glass of wine…two days was good enough!"