Behold, the 1970 Barbie catalog, which was basically just a visual trip into the colorful and groovy world of early 1970s Barbie.
1. “It’s Living Skipper” looks like the type of doll a parent would want to give their kid if they wanted to scar them for life.
Look at those eyes. They basically say, “I’m going to kill you while you sleep.”
2. Equally as freaky is “Living Barbie,” who basically, even for a doll, manages to look dead in the eyes.
3. But she does have “pretty elbows that bend in beauty,” you know, unlike the way your ugly elbows bend disgustingly.
4. This “Flower Wower” dress appears to be for the Barbie who is trying to keep her pregnancy secret.
I guess Ken might not be the father.
6. For those who can’t deal with the playful fashions of “Sassy Skipper,” there was “Classy Skipper.”
7. It’s nice of Barbie to stick all the ugly clothes on her friend Casey.
8. Of course, Ken had his share of fugly and kinda creepy late ’60s fashion too, like the “Guruvy Formal” outfit (aka the Ken who was smoking a lot of pot).
9. Ken’s clothes also fit his new “buddy,” Brad. ~wink, wink~
10. Also, good news! The new Ken doll now comes with bendable legs! ~wink, wink~
11. Obviously Barbie’s interior decorator (probably Ken) was tripping when he decorated her new pad in psychedelic colors.
12. Nothing more appealing than these Children of the Corn–looking dolls.
Seriously, what little girl wouldn’t want to play with a doll with a face like that?
Well, that bear’s face says it all.