52 Things Only ’90s Teenage Guys Can Understand

Because you can still smell CK One and carry a torch for Pamela Anderson.

Justine Zwiebel/ BuzzFeed
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1. That Umbro made the coolest shorts around — mainly because they came in every color and pattern imaginable.

And, when wearing them, the terrible risk you took of sitting down the wrong way and exposing yourself.

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2. How JanSport was the ONLY backpack — which you, of course, one-strapped and customized with a Sharpie.

No Eastpak for you!

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3. And of course, Five-Star was the only notebook worthy of your JanSport.

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4. The importance of nailing the perfect middle part.

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5. You lived by one fashion rule: The baggier the jeans, the better!

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6. The importance of picking out the right boxer — because you sagged your pants.

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7. That Beavis and Butt-head was the funniest cartoon ever.

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8. How Pamela Anderson was the most perfect woman…

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…and the ONLY reason you watched Baywatch.

Of course, it wasn’t for the acting.

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9. The little joy you got from pumping these bad boys up — even if they really didn’t do anything to improve your game.

And the sense of self-satisfaction you got if you were the only person among your friends to own a pair.

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10. How super-cool and stylish you felt wearing one-strapped overalls — even if it made you look like one of the Little Rascals.

NBC / Via way2enjoy.com
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11. The never-ending quest to scam Columbia House and BMG Music out of free CDs.



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12. Totally thinking you could pull off Cross Colours.

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13. How you’d never seen anyone sexier than Denise Richards in Wild Things!

Mandalay Entertainment //img.pandawhale.com

Mandalay Entertainment


And you’ll never forget the infamous threesome.

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14. When it came to sunglasses, it was ALL about Oakleys — nothing else came close.

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15. How your Starter jacket was a wardrobe essential.

And you probably had a Dallas Cowboys one, even if you lived nowhere near the Dallas metropolitan area or Texas.

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16. That Lil’ Penny could sell you anything.

Via gq.com
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17. Decorating your bedroom walls with the pages of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

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18. How there was no cooler denim brand than Levi’s Silvertab — in medium stonewash, of course.

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19. These were your TV crushes:





From left: Hilary Banks (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air), Kelly Kapowski (Saved by the Bell), and Winnie Cooper (The Wonder Years).

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20. And these were your MTV crushes:

Time & Life Pictures / Getty Images

Dave Allocca/ Time & Life Pictures / Getty Images

Getty Images/ Hulton Archive


From left: Karen “Duff” Duffy, Kennedy, and Daisy Fuentes.

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21. How you thought you could pull off a Caesar cut, like George Clooney.

NBC / Via ketv.com

It was usually an epic FAIL.

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22. Dousing yourself in one of these:

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23. This was the craziest thing you’d ever seen:

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24. The horrible amount of pilling you got on your acrylic ski sweaters after wearing them just once!

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25. Watching these classic films over and over again and then quoting them per verbatim…

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…especially the Adam Sandler films.


“Why don’t you just go HOME?! That’s your HOME! Are you too good for your HOME?!”

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26. The deliciousness that was Cheetos Paws.

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27. How rocking a Stussy T-shirt made you feel instantly cool.

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28. Putting in the code to unlock the super-violent version of Mortal Kombat.

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29. The lingering sweet scent of girls who wore Gap Heaven — or Sunflowers.

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30. You know this was Levi’s GREATEST ad campaign:

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31. These were seminal albums in your life:

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32. How Sam Goody, Journeys, Merry-Go-Round, and Structure were your first stops on trips to the mall.


And of course, Chess King and Foot Locker as well.

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33. That there was no greater delicacy than Bagel Bites.

“Pizza in the morning. Pizza in the evening. Pizza at suppertime. When pizza’s on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime!”

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34. How the Dog Brothers from Sex in the ’90s were MTV’s original guidos.

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35. Having your pager clipped to your pants.

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36. The importance of the wallet chain.

Keeping that Velcro wallet secure!

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37. That there was no better decade for sketch comedy shows.

Ivory Way Productions

CBC Television



From left: In Living Color, The Kids in the Hall, and The State.

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38. The disappointment you felt after washing your Hypercolor shirt for the first time.

Why couldn’t it last more than just one wash?!

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39. The art — but also the struggle — of making a perfect mixtape. Especially if it was for someone you liked!

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40. The whoosh-whoosh sound you made while you walked whenever you wore wale cord.

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41. How, somehow, it was totally cool to wear hip-hop Looney Tunes T-shirts.

Bugs, you’re such a badass!

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42. The happiness that getting the perfect fade brought you.

But the upkeep was a bitch.

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43. How hemp necklaces went with everything.

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44. That Michael Jordan was the greatest athlete ever…

Getty Images / Getty Images Sport
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…even after THAT Iverson moment.

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45. Speaking of Jordan, his shoes were BALLER status.


Let’s be honest, they were probably the most expensive thing you owned.

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46. How this was the bible for witty insults.

“Yo mama so fat, she sat on a rainbow and made Skittles.”

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47. How Surge really was the nectar of the gods.

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48. Having an allegiance to either Airwalk or Simple.

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49. Knowing that Burger King was the place to get your grub on because Whoppers only cost 99 cents.

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50. How totally cool you looked wearing Adidas sandals with white socks.



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51. Of course this was the ultimate accessory.

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52. And lastly, the struggle and frustration of trying to watch scrambled porn.

“I think I saw a boob!”

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