5 Things Conan O’Brien Hates About Summer

According to this 1995 interview with Details magazine, EVERYTHING.

1. Going to the beach:

“Growing up in the Northeast, you get a very dim view of the beaches: They’re just just a lot of crushed up rock, and the water’s so cold it’ll kill you if you stay in longer than 10 minutes.”

2. Healthy summer foods:

“They [people] will say, ‘Well it’s summer, and Martha Stewart would say it’s okay to just chill some pecans, grind them up, sprinkle them on melon balls, and serve that with water.’ But, I’m a big steak-and-potatoes guy.”

3. The sun:

“In summer, my face inevitably get really red, and when an Irish guy who has kind of a round face starts to turn red, he looks like a drunk. People see me coming and they’re like ‘Hey, pal, I think you’ve had enough.’ But I haven’t had anything yet.”

4. Bad bathing suits:

“A bad bathing suit can humiliate you more than anything else in life. When I was a kid I was sent off to summer camp, and my mother packed my bathing suit before I had a chance to see it. I got to camp and the counselor said ‘Conan, it’s time for you and all the other nine-year-old boys who will judge anything you do harshly to go swim in the pond.’ I went to get my bathing suit, and it was covered in with star-shaped photographs of movie-musical celebrities from the 1930s and ’40s. Judy Garland and Gene Kelly. Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers and Irving Berlin. The counselor was shouting, ‘O’Brien, c’mon out!’ I said, ‘I Think I’m having a slight seizure. You may have to go on without me.’”

5. Going outside:

“There’s always some idiot friend of yours who says, ‘Let’s go outside! We’ve gotta carpe diem!’ I say, “Can’t we just lie on this pleasant lawn furniture indoors?’ Because I basically have same needs as a mushroom. I want it to be dark and kind of moist and I don’t want to be jostled for months at a time.”

Quotes transcribed from an interview in the September 1995 issue of Details magazine.

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