1.
Love is swell until you're bludgeoned to death by a psycho jealous ex.
2.
Speaking of bludgeoning:
3.
Um, yeah there are laws against this!
4.
She learned it wasn't a hot tub the hard way.
5.
Little known fact: The boy in the card was modeled after a young Dick Cheney.
6.
I'm guessing pen is a euphemism for something else.
7.
Wait, did he murder and cremate a woman?
8.
What's going on here?! Why does that dirty old snowman have that smile on his face?
9.
A rather direct request by this Popeye impersonator.
10.
I now have a new unholy creature to haunt my dreams:
11.
I don't think she is being surprised as much as she's being suffocated!
12.
On the next episode of TLC's Strange Sex:
13.
Wow, that got inappropriate quick.
15.
Who doesn't want to be "juiced" *wink, wink* on Valentine's Day?
17.
Those eyes! That stare! That look definitely says, "I'm NOT gonna be ignored, Dan!"
18.
Yeah, I had to look at this card twice too.
19.
That wink says you're next to be butchered.
20.
Was she cryogenically frozen?
21.
I like where this is headed!
22.
I'm thinking this was no accident.
23.
Is this the perfect card for anyone with a fish fetish?
24.
The card that says "Just so you know my love for you is less than my love of Big Macs."
25.
Nothing says "I love you" like a creepy clown.
26.
Just a gentle reminder: You're SINGLE on Valentine's Day.
27.
Clearly, the message here is that there is only one thing to do if you're dateless on Valentines' Day:
