30 Under 30: The Celebs Most Likely To Die Young This Summer
It is well-documented: Summer likes to kill celebrities. To prepare you for the worst (unless Gary Coleman was Your Worst, in which case, condolences), here is a list of the at-risk Young Hollywood stars. Say a prayer for each of them.
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1. Lindsay Lohan
Duh. Likeliest causes: drugs, alcohol, propensity for being involved in car crashes, child star curse.
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2. Justin Bieber
Likeliest cause: angry teenage mob.
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3. Robert Pattinson
Likeliest cause: slightly older angry teenage mob.
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4. Tila Tequila
Likeliest cause: all life choices.
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5. Heidi Montag
Likeliest causes: implant explosion.
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6. Nick Jonas
Likeliest cause: diabetes.
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7. Kendra Wilkinson
Likeliest cause: STDs.
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8. Britney Spears
Likeliest cause: sadness.
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9. Levi Johnston
Likeliest cause: ATV accident.
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10. Ke$ha
Likeliest cause: alcohol poisoning.
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11. Ali Lohan
Likeliest cause: proximity to Lindsay Lohan.
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12. Snooki
Likeliest cause: assault.
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13. Frankie Muniz
Likeliest causes: race-car driving, child star curse.
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14. Mischa Barton
Likeliest cause: drugs.
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15. Taylor Momsen
Likeliest cause: drugs.
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16. Kristin Cavalleri
Likeliest cause: drugs.
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17. Jodie Sweetin
Likeliest causes: drugs (specifically meth), child star curse.
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18. the cast of Glee
Likeliest causes: exhaustion, teen mobs
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19. Jake Gyllenhaal
Likeliest cause: precipitous fall (of his career.)
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20. Amy Winehouse
Likeliest cause: inevitability.
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21. Lady Gaga
Likeliest cause: strangled by costume.
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22. Mary Kate Olsen
Likeliest cause: strangled by clothes.
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23. Jay Cutler
Likeliest cause: diabetes.
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24. Anne Hathaway
Likeliest cause: nefarious boyfriend.
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25. Noah Cyrus
Likeliest cause: family's life choices.
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26. Kirsten Dunst
Likeliest causes: alcohol poisoning, child star curse.
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27. Dakota Fanning
Likeliest cause: vampires.
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28. Jonathan Lipnicki
Likeliest cause: child star curse.
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29. Michael Cera
Likeliest cause: backlash whiplash.
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30. Sienna Miller
Likeliest cause: vicious girl-on-girl hate.
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