• 1. Lindsay Lohan

    Duh. Likeliest causes: drugs, alcohol, propensity for being involved in car crashes, child star curse.

  • 2. Justin Bieber

    Likeliest cause: angry teenage mob.

  • 3. Robert Pattinson

    Likeliest cause: slightly older angry teenage mob.

  • 4. Tila Tequila

    Likeliest cause: all life choices.

  • 5. Heidi Montag

    Likeliest causes: implant explosion.

  • 6. Nick Jonas

    Likeliest cause: diabetes.

  • 7. Kendra Wilkinson

    Likeliest cause: STDs.

  • 8. Britney Spears

    Likeliest cause: sadness.

  • 9. Levi Johnston

    Likeliest cause: ATV accident.

  • 10. Ke$ha

    Likeliest cause: alcohol poisoning.

  • 11. Ali Lohan

    Likeliest cause: proximity to Lindsay Lohan.

  • 12. Snooki

    Likeliest cause: assault.

  • 13. Frankie Muniz

    Likeliest causes: race-car driving, child star curse.

  • 14. Mischa Barton

    Likeliest cause: drugs.

  • 15. Taylor Momsen

    Likeliest cause: drugs.

  • 16. Kristin Cavalleri

    Likeliest cause: drugs.

  • 17. Jodie Sweetin

    Likeliest causes: drugs (specifically meth), child star curse.

  • 18. the cast of Glee

    Likeliest causes: exhaustion, teen mobs

  • 19. Jake Gyllenhaal

    Likeliest cause: precipitous fall (of his career.)

  • 20. Amy Winehouse

    Likeliest cause: inevitability.

  • 21. Lady Gaga

    Likeliest cause: strangled by costume.

  • 22. Mary Kate Olsen

    Likeliest cause: strangled by clothes.

  • 23. Jay Cutler

    Likeliest cause: diabetes.

  • 24. Anne Hathaway

    Likeliest cause: nefarious boyfriend.

  • 25. Noah Cyrus

    Likeliest cause: family’s life choices.

  • 26. Kirsten Dunst

    Likeliest causes: alcohol poisoning, child star curse.

  • 27. Dakota Fanning

    Likeliest cause: vampires.

  • 28. Jonathan Lipnicki

    Likeliest cause: child star curse.

  • 29. Michael Cera

    Likeliest cause: backlash whiplash.

  • 30. Sienna Miller

    Likeliest cause: vicious girl-on-girl hate.