Promoted

Church Signs To Cause Traffic Accidents

Hark! The word of God as interpreted by mere mortals. Church signs that include the bizarre, the sexy (?), the judgmental, and the just plain insane. Enjoy!

1. The “Oddly Sexual in Nature”: Because, as we all know, religion has always had a sense of humour when it comes to sex.

Knee pads help….oh, for praying, I mean.

Better than a loose place, I guess.

I thought sodomy was frowned upon.

Even God loves a swallower.

I asked my Mom, but she couldn’t remember.

Only if you do it right.

7. The “I Thought Only God Could Judge”: Judging others, religions favorite past time.

Yeah, cuz those crafty Protestants are evil, I hear.

I kissed a girl and I liked it too, but afterwards, I just went to Jamba Juice.

Do they think the Jews are gunning for Christmas?

Because it’s hard to Shout-out those brain stains all over the carpet.

Religious zealots always bring in the best poon.

12. The “Hook ‘Em While They’re Young”: Because children are dumb, these signs surely worked.

I think My Space and Jesus died about the same time.

My computer protection told me the download was riddled with viruses so I passed.

Shhhh…don’t let Google hear you say that!

Jesus or not, he’ll still need a search warrant. I know my rights.

Is Snoop Dog the pastor here?

18. The “Ouotes From God”: I’m sure he’d appreciate us mere mortals putting words in his mouth.

Yeah, cuz that won’t make more people say “Goddammit!”.

I’m pretty sure 2 out of 3 of those things were around before religion.

Please do…I always wondered what you look like. I betting you’re a midget (Napolean Complex).

I wonder what God’s status updates would look like? “I couldn’t have created a better couple than Bella and Edward! Team Edward, all the way!”

22. The “WTF”: These are just unexplainable.

But I thought they didn’t believe in assisted suicide.

What if it’s a really nice shirt?

Finally! A place for me! Can I bring my bong?

25. And, finally….The “Truly Funny”: There are only two because it happens so rarely.

I imagine him sitting in the corner of a coffee shop, drinking a dopio, scarf tied just so ‘round his neck, reading an obscure book, and listening to music we’ve never heard of.

Ay, me matey. Tis true, indeed.

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