1. We refuse to use the term ‘Gym.’
“Health Clubs,” “Fitness Centre,” “Fitness Emporium.”
WE GOT ‘EM ALL!
2. And NO ONE says ‘personal trainer’ anymore.
3. Everyone worshipped this guy:
Zyzz was a self proclaimed “Son of Zeus, Brother of Hercules, [and] Father of Aesthetics.” But then he died.
4. And for some reason there’s always ’80s music playing.
We understand the need for a beat of some kind. Maybe even a bit of electronic stuff thrown in. But seriously - it’s been 20 years. Move on.
5. Everyone’s “Shredding for Stereo.”
‘Stereo’ being a music festival called ‘Stereosonic’ at which it seems NO ONE wears a shirt, and ‘shredding’ being the supposed stripping of fat or bulk or mass so that maximum muscle is exposed.
7. Whilst this is happening everyone seems to be searching for ‘prime mirror position.’
There’s only so much wall-space.
8. You always see that one guy who just does a lot of stretches.
Really dude? For two hours? And why you gotta keep staring at me?!
9. And at peak hours, a lot of moms show up.
Does Aqua-Aerobics even do anything?
10. So you have to go late at night or early in the morning to avoid crowds.
So that’s shit.
11. There’s Southern Cross tattoos EVERYWHERE
They’re like Australia’s confederate flag!
12. The inside is either really hot or really cold.
Kinda like Australia as a whole.
13. And the “Health Cafe” at the gym is more of a “Health 5-star Restaurant.”
$6 for banana bread? Really?
14. Don’t forget the really old person that walks around the changeroom naked!
15. There’s that guy that wears jeans to the gym.
All about the denim.
16. And the guy whose shorts are WAY too tight.
C’mon man. Leave something to the imagination. You ain’t Jon Hamm.
17. No one can be trusted to wipe down their bench afterwards…
NO ONE WANTS YOUR RINGWORM! NO ONE!