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    A Beginners Guide To Public Transport In Sydney

    News flash. You're always a beginner.

    So you've gotta take public transport?

    Wipe that smile off your face!

    This WILL NOT be easy.

    First you're gonna approach this from a logical perspective.

    Maybe look up the timetable online? State Transit always runs on time.

    WRONG.

    Did you say you wanna catch the 11am Bus?

    Well you better get to your bus-stop at NINE IN THE FUCKING MORNING.

    The bus finally arrives and you step on - immediately disillusioned.

    The bus driver's all like -

    "I JUST WANNA GO TO THE CITY."

    He lets you pass and the old lady two seats in front of you puts her handbag up on her seat.

    The only option you have left is to sit on the back seat with that guy playing his music through the speakers on his Phone.

    THROUGH HIS FUCKING PHONE!

    Also - You know how it usually takes you 20 minutes to drive to your destination?

    Well on the bus IT TAKES 2 HOURS.

    Wait, the bus stopped? Oh what? RANDOM DRIVER CHANGE THAT TAKES 20 MINUTES.

    Well - at least you're nearly there.

    JUST KIDDING! Your bus is actually diverting through a train station.

    Time to put on your TRAIN RIDING SHOES.

    The train is just like the bus except now EVEN MORE PEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL SPACE.

    Oh and it smells.

    And people do shit like this.

    Well, at least now you can settle down and let the train take you away.

    FALSE.

    IT'S TIME FOR SOME MOTHER. FUCKING. TRACK WORK.

    After waiting another thirty minutes it's finally time to get off the train.

    Just as soon as 500 OTHER PEOPLE DO AS WELL!!

    LESSON LEARNED: YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE.

    So that was fun. I bet you can't wait TO DO IT ALL AGAIN ON YOUR WAY HOME.