5 Reasons I Hate Jay Z’s “Magna Carta Holy Grail.”

The dust has settled and a month has passed. It’s time to finally look at Jay-Z with a critical eye.

1. The Cover

Now. This problem arose immediately after buying MCHG - and I did ACTUALLY BUY this album, which for me is hard to do when torrenting is just so darn swell. Jay Z and his geniuses down at “ROCNATION” decided to implement a large sticker on the front. Of his name. Fair enough. Problem being it doesn’t appear ol’ Jay happened to quality check every album. So now I have two air bubbles on my album cover - something I’m not familiar with when buying “compact discs.” I like air bubbles like I enjoy being punched in the dick - so fuck you and your air bubbles Jay Z.

2. Beyonce

I like Beyonce. I really do. And i’m not ashamed to admit that. But if I wanted to listen to her sing about cliche’s and love, I’d buy a Beyonce album (or maybe a Destiny’s Child one if I’m feeling crazy). So the track “On The Run (Part II)” pisses me off because Jay Z plays an evil trick on you, making you listen to her for a full 22 SECONDS before he commences his verse. So fuck you JayZ and fuck you Beyonce.

3. “Recycling”

Jay Z has some great verses on this album. Some of them will even transcend time itself. Heres a few:
“That’s me in the corner. That’s me in the spotlight - losing my religion.”
and
“I feel stupid and contagious. Here we are now, entertain us.”
Both FANTASTIC lines. But, wait a second Jay? Isn’t there something you need to tell us? Like the fact that you DIDNT. FUCKING. WRITE. THOSE. WORDS. Recycling old R.E.M and Nirvana songs is just lazy, ain’t it Jay? You’re the reason Kurt Cobain killed himself. Fuck you.

4. Jay Z’s “Edgy” Social Commentary

Above is a photo found in the liner notes of the album. A cemetery in front of The American Stock Exchange? Wow Jay Z. Wow. You really are a brilliant social critic. I have to admit it took me a few hours to find the meaning behind this photo - but now that I’ve got it your intelligence has risen to a whole new level in my mind. You know what we should do? We should rally together the people and hold sit-ins and peaceful protests against capitalist thinking and the development of a “business-first” America. Oh wait. We did. Three years ago. Wake the fuck up, Jay Z. Wake the fuck up.

5. Jay Z Is Not Poor.

Jay Z has not been poor for almost 20 years. That means he hasn’t been poor for most of my life time. Let me be clear. I DO NOT SYMPATHISE WITH YOU JAY Z. And the rest of the world probably doesn’t either. Fuck you Jay Z. Fuck your swag and fuck your money. Rant. Over.

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