The 39 Stages Of Being A Bride

From pure happiness to utter panic faster than you can say “I do.”

1. Before you get engaged, you’re determined not to be one of “those brides”. You tell everyone, “I just want a really small, simple wedding. Close friends and family, no stress.”

2. Then you get engaged.

3. You’re so happy you could just about burst with rainbows and unicorns and little love hearts with wings.

4. You tell everyone you know and make it Facebook official, and are inundated with attention, hugs and well wishes.

5. Then the questions begin. “Have you set a date?” “What’s your theme?” “Can I be your bridesmaid?”

6. A slight unease sets in.

7. So you set a date, create a budget, invite your best friends to be in your bridal party, and you’re back to feeling good.

8. You start to look through bridal magazines for fun…

9. And realise how many decisions you now have to make.

10. Forget the venue and the menu, you’ve got to pick everything down to the napkins and the freaking cutlery.

11. You finally decide what you want, only to discover it’s 1000 times more expensive than you expected it to be. Because you have left the Real World, and entered Wedding World - where money burns and Mason jars go to die by DIY.

12. You search online for cheaper options…

13. And lose whole days on Etsy.

14. You discover the world of wedding blogs and get more ideas than you could ever possibly use.

15. Your Pinterest becomes overloaded with wedding boards, divided into approximately 174 categories.

16. You learn things you never even knew existed – like the difference between “ivory”, “white” and “diamond white” - and worry about what knowledge you’re losing as a result.

17. You go dress shopping and find yourself vowing never to eat again. Or at least for the next six months.

18. Then you find “the one” - YOUR wedding dress - and everything is right with the world.

19. Until you see the price tag and discover the dress takes up a third of your total budget.

20. Meanwhile your guest list has swollen from 60 to 300, thanks to all the third cousins twice removed and great aunties on your dad’s side, who haven’t seen you since you were two but who your mother INSISTS on inviting.

21. It’s cool, you’ll just DIY everything.

22. And negotiate, negotiate, negotiate.

23. Finally, you accept that this baby is going to be way over budget, and lock in all the details anyway. You start to feel excited again.

24. There’s a month until the wedding, and you’re happy… but for some reason you can’t stop crying.

26. What if everything goes wrong?!

27. You cry some more…

28. And scream a bit.

29. Soon you find yourself drowning in paper pom poms and cursing Past You for deciding to DIY.

30. You fight with your fiancé because THEY JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND.

31. You question why you ever wanted to get married in the first place.

32. Finally, it’s the day before your wedding. You practically run a marathon sorting out all the last minute details.

33. The big day arrives. You wake up (if you even got to sleep) and think, “is this actually happening?”

34. All that planning, all that prep, for this one day.

35. You order around your bridesmaids and risk ruining friendships forever.

36. Before you know it, you’re off to the ceremony, and you’re so nervous you could vomit all over your very gorgeous, very expensive dress.

37. You arrive. You start to walk up the aisle, and you see your fiancé’s smiling face.

38. And for that moment, everything really is right with the world.

39. And it was worth it.

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