It was up in the air yesterday whether Spurs star Tim Duncan would play in Game 1 of his team’s series against the Warriors. He was said to be suffering from “flu-like symptoms,” a common catchall sports-injury term that could mean any number of things.
Here’s how San Antonio basketball writer Mike Monroe described said symptoms, though, when he reported that Duncan would play:
I think I know what he’s referring to. He’s referring to uncontrollable, explosive diarrhea.
Then, with 4:30 left in the fourth quarter of the game last night, Duncan suddenly walked off the court into the Spurs’ locker room. He would later return to play, and there have been no reports that he suffered any bodily injury during the game.
Game announcers obliquely noted that Duncan was likely being “bothered” by something, while his gait appears to be one of a man who’s annoyed that he’s being forced to leave a playoff game because of a certain recurring flu-like symptom.
Granted, Duncan could’ve had to yak and/or spew. Maybe Mike Monroe was only making a terrible basketball pun by using the term “passed” in his tweet. But if there’s one thing we’ve learned in our years of watching true-crime television shows, it’s that the simplest explanation of a situation is often the best one. And the simplest explanation of yesterday’s events is that Tim Duncan briefly left an NBA playoff game because he was suffering from uncontrollable, explosive diarrhea.