9 Facts About Animal Sex That Will Make You Glad You're Human

In Sex on Earth, Jules Howard celebrates the weird, wonderful and downright filthy sides of animal’s sex lives. Impress your friends with these facts about animal reproduction. Or not. Up to you. Sex on Earth is available to buy now and is brilliant.

1. Clownfish switch gender and have sex with their offspring

In absence of a female, male clownfish can switch gender when protecting their eggs. After they have hatched, the new female will then try to procreate with their offspring. This would make Finding Nemo a highly problematic movie.

2. Adders sunbathe to warm their genitals before sex

Ever see Britain’s favourite snake slouching back, catching rays beside a river bank? They’re actually making their genitals nice and toasty to aid sperm production. There’s absolutely nothing worse than tepid sperm.

3. Duck sex is an evolutionary arms race between male and females

Female ducks have evolved an extremely complex, labyrinthine vagina to combat impregnation from unhealthy drakes. However, in an evolutionary arms race, male ducks have evolved an exploding penis, which can reach up to 9 inches when fully uncoiled.

4. Penguins will have sex with anything

P-p-pick up a penguin. At a bar, at a club, in the mortuary… Adélie Penguins are a filthy bunch (sorry John Lewis). While stranded in Antarctica, George Levick observed examples of necrophilia, chicks ‘misused in front of the very eyes of its parents’ and attempted coitus with the cold, hard ground.

5. Jackdaws mate for life

Jackdaws mate for life. They are one of the most monogamous animals on earth and no one has ever proved they are anything other than completely faithful to their life partner. Aww.

6. Bonobos use mutual masturbation to ease disputes

Bonobos, it seems, end arguments with a tug and a kiss. Male bonobos have also been found ‘penis fencing’ with each other – just for the sheer joy of it!

7. Sperm comes in all shapes and sizes

A huge variety of sperm shapes have been observed in the animal kingdom; hooked sperm (koalas), disc-shaped sperm (protura), spinning sperm (crayfish), corkscrew sperm (some snails) and bearded sperm (some termintes).

8. Bdelloid rotifers haven't had sex for over 80 million years

Sex isn’t for everyone, I guess. Bdelloid rotifers have been asexual for over 80 million years. Judging by their looks – can you blame them?

9. No male bdelloid rotifer has ever been found...

However, they have evolved in by producing offspring with the bits of DNA borrowed from bacteria, fungus and plants that they have eaten. They really are odd little creatures.