America’s Strangest Laws Involving Police Officers

Because you need to know your rights!

Now, most of us have heard that if you ask an undercover cop if they're a cop, they legally have to tell you. While this isn't totally true, there are some other pretty crazy and weird laws around police officers that totally check out. I know because I did a ton of research. So without further ado, here are the most amazing ones I've found.

Anchorage, Alaska: If you ask a cop if they like your fedora, by law they have to say yes.

Shocking, I know.

New York, New York: You can ride any police horse you see on the street, as long as you call them Seabiscuit.

He’s saying that Seabiscuit is his number one all-time favorite movie because of this awesome law.

Fargo, North Dakota: If you ask if they want a donut, they can strike you once in the jaw. But only once.

He asked them multiple times about donuts. Not a smart move. Know the laws!

El Paso, Texas: If you tell a cop they have a nice butt, they legally have to blush.

And it’s hard to fake blushing. Try it!

Rancho Murieta, California: If you spray cologne or perfume on a cop, they must kiss your forehead and hug you for no less than 90 seconds.

Laws are laws.

Middletown, Virginia: If you give an acoustic guitar to a cop, no matter what they’re doing at the time, they have to stop and play Hotel California in its entirety. It’s your call if it’s a public or private performance.

The Eagles have sued the Middletown PD for copyright infringement many times — with no success.

Des Moines, Iowa: If you buy flowers for a cop, you get their gun for 36 hours — no questions asked.

Cops LOVE flowers.

Encino, California: If you get caught using your mouth to steal directly from a drink dispenser, just say you were “wheezing the juice” and you get off scot-free. Note: Exact verbiage is important here.

An informed citizenry is the best citizenry.

Austin, Texas: If you get pulled over for running a red light, gift them a Netflix subscription and they cannot give you a ticket.

Maybe they’ll check out this film.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana: If you respectfully present a cop with a red baton (hence the city name), they have to start twirling it like a drum major.

“By law I have to do this. I don’t know why it’s like that, but laws are the bedrock of society, so I will comply.”

Kirkland, Washington: Any cop, whether male or female, must respond to the name Officer Excelsior.

Hey Officer! Officer Excelsior! Yeah, both of you!

Gainesville, Florida: As long as you provide the shoeblack, cops are obligated to shine your shoes.

Cops inherently understand how good a well-polished shoe makes you feel.

Concord, Massachusetts: If you need a third person for a double dutch jump rope session, all officers are obligated to participate — whether as a jumper or a turner.

I told you so.

And my personal favorite:

Boulder, Colorado: Even if your goatee looks incredibly dumb, cops have to say it makes you “look very sharp.”

Even this guy.

I hope this article sheds light on the somewhat arcane and opaque rules surrounding our day-to-day interactions with our protectors of the streets. So, my one big piece of advice to take away from this is to just follow these rules and you are good to go. No matter what.*

*Editor's note: Do NOT follow any of these rules. Except for the one about fedoras. That one is totally legit.

Blake Henderson tries to be a law-abiding citizen as well as tries to write funny things on the Internet. He succeeds at both part of the time.