1. I know. I know. The State Fair’s smelly, hot, and has nothing to offer other than rickety rides and fattening foods, right?
We’re not little kids anymore: the animals and the Gravitron 3000 were cool 15 years ago — BUT this summer’s going to be different. I’m going to give you 10 legitimate reasons why you will enjoy going to the Indiana State Fair; just watch out for those goth kids and the carnies. Let’s start:
2. Alcohol! Finally!
What does this mean?
For the first time since 1946, Hoosiers can now enjoy alcoholic beverages at this year’s state fair. Thank Governor Mike Pence — he signed a law lifting the 67-year ban on booze. Local vendors and customers rejoice: Andy Klotz, state fair representative, said they are “certainly focus[ing] on Indiana beer and wines and are still researching to see if it can be those products exclusively.”
3. Jim Gaffigan’s Performing Stand-Up Comedy
This guy’s the real deal, and he’s even Indiana raised! Shove off Louis C.K., King Baby’s back in town. His stand-up routines frequently feature true American themes like overeating at McDonalds, having too many kids, getting fat, and wondering why camping sucks so much — something we can all enjoy. Sit back and relish in Jim Gaffigan’s sarcasm and endearing white-ness.
4. Josh Kaufman’s Doing A Free Show
Josh Kaufman, Indianapolis native, is the most recent winner on the hit TV Show “The Voice.” Known for his phenomenal soul voice — and for always wearing a fedora — Josh brings sass, emotion, and funk to the stage. Why should you go to see him? Check it out: if Usher can dance to his stuff, you can too. And at least it’s not Nicki Minaj, right?
That’s a reason to go?
Don’t get me wrong, Weird Al Yankovic’s cover of “Blurred Lines” is fantastic, but Mr. Thicke’s cancellation is one of the best reasons to go now. Now you don’t have to hear him trod around that stage and sully our state fair. Actually, it’s a real shame that Robin Thicke won’t be gracing us with his pretentious, holier-than-thou self this August — I really wanted to give him a big Hoosier welcome in the best form possible:
What, you thought eggs were just for eating? (All from local Indiana farms too, no worries!)
7. Free Show #2: Barenaked Ladies
Holy crap, they’re still around?
You bet! Now, I’m not talking about the naked ladies in Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” video — the Canadian rock group is going to be in town and will be playing their grooves on the Free Stage this year. There’s something about reliving the 90s lately — noodies, Jennifer Aniston, and the Barenaked Ladies’ smash hit “One Week”. Go ahead, relive the golden days!
8. You could win $1,000,000!
I’m not falling for that Nigerian Prince thing again…
Nah, not that, there’s an actual chance to get money here! Hoosier Millionaire is back this year at the State Fair. I remember watching the show on WNDU - Channel 16 every week as a little kid: who doesn’t love enjoying a great game show? Either way, stop by on August 16th: they will be taping for their 25th anniversary and you have the chance to win big! Now if you happen to win, remember me, okay?
9. Selfies, Apps, and the Twitterverse
Don’t tell me you don’t use Instagram or Twitter at all. Find one of several “selfie stations” around the grounds and take your picture with life-sized cut-outs of smiling horses and other things that are sure to make your Instagram friends jealous. You can even hashtag #instatefair! Come on, you know it’s going to be a blast after having a few beers.
10. The Freestyle Madness BMX Stunt Show!
I know! I’ve always loved BMX stunt shows, but these guys take the cake — death defying tailwhips, frontflips and backflips are so cool, and I can’t wait to see them again. They performed at last year’s State Fair, but if you missed out on seeing all of the action, you can see a sneak peek of what you’re in for.
11. The Hot Air Balloon Launch
To be completely honest, even if you don’t show up to the State Fair on August 1st, you’ll see these hot air balloons all over town — but you’ve gotta admit, you’ve always wanted to ride in of those things. Well, you can pretend along with me that you’re soaring in the skies when they launch at approximately 6:15 AM and stick around in the sky for a few hours. Yeah, I’m definitely going to ride one of those someday. They’re awesome.
12. Still not convinced?
You’re never TOO cool for the fair.
If you don’t go, you’d miss out on this awesome animatronic baby T-Rex dinosaur, the fried twinkies, and the people you’re pretty sure haven’t showered for a week. But you know what, that’s the thrill — so go out there, get a $3.50 Lemon Shakeup, an Elephant Ear, and ride a few of the rides. But after you eat, please wait a while before getting on the rides…please…