• 1. You Offered This Guy A Job

    This guy’s a certified asshole, and yet you’re asking him to head your next World Cup team

  • 2. You’re Only The 11th Largest Country In the World As Measured By Total Territory..

    Guess who’s number 2, baby! (Or, ok, #3, depending on how you count.)

  • 3. You Gave Us Albert Camus.

    This guy is a serious bummer, beloved by college sophmore douchebag novelist wannabes everywhere.

  • 4. You Gave Us Jacques Derrida.

    This guy is a serious bummer, beloved by college sophmore douchebag philosohper wannabes everywhere.

  • 5. The DRS (Your Scary Security Services)

    Yikes! These guys sound like bad news. According to Amnesty International, “The DRS runs its own detention centres where detainees are held incommunicado and subject to torture.”

  • 6. You’re Terrible At Soccer!

    Oh, I almost forgot how woefully terrible you are at soccer. It almost makes me physically ill. Seriously, guys. LEARN TO PLAY THE GAME.