10 Things All English Majors Understand

Ten things English majors know…and pretend to know.

1. You can write a six to eight page paper in half an hour, tops!

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Your non-major friends hate you because of this.

2. You get mad when your non-major friends talk about books becoming movies.

Especially classic books because, let’s be serious, you know they only care about seeing Leonardo DiCaprio and you’re pretty certain that they can’t even read.

3. You are asked to proofread all of your friends’ papers…all of the time.

But you never actually do, you just say “yes” and then wait 45 minutes to tell them that it was awesome.

4. Selling your books back is always a struggle.

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On the one hand, they’re filled with a semester’s worth of notes and you really want to keep them, but on the other hand, you are a broke-ass college kid and you desperately need that $30 for end of the semester shenanigans.

5. You’ve had to read the same poem/short story/play/book for at least three different classes.

If I had a nickel for every time Leaves of Grass or King Lear showed up on one of my syllabi, then I’d be able to pay off my student loans. The plus side is that you can skip doing the reading and take a nap instead!

6. You love talking to your peers about literature.

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Your conversations before class starts are scarily thrilling for everyone involved. No one should like The Sun Also Rises that much.

7. You’ve heard the question: “So, what are you going to do with that?” way too many times.

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…anything? Duh.

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Now leave me alone.

8. You judge musical artists by their use of metaphor/simile/personification, etc.

Not everyone can be as good as Samuel Taylor Coleridge or John Donne, but I guess they will keep trying.

9. You get excited for one particular class every semester.

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And somehow that’s the one that always gets canceled.

10. You get out into the real world and you’re like:

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…so you go to grad school.

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