I think this is all supposed to be metaphorical. The Student/Teacher Anti-Drug Council of Coral Springs Charter Highschool is wicked deep.

by not underage drinking you could rule a vampire-killing dog pack and eat pizza. great.

Wouldn't having the Van Helsing picture on there make kids want to start drinking?

Well shit, for some reason as a budding underage drinker, I thought that pizza (really mostly pizza), soft drinks, dogs, and movies were unavailable to me. That was why I started drinking in the first place. Where were you when I needed you Student/Teacher Anti-Drug Council of Coral Springs Charter Highschool?

But I know a lot of underage drinkers who eat a lot of pizza. In fact, that was like the food of choice in res, the den of underage drinkers

I would have attached some condoms and cigarettes.