1. Your Name is Ben Siemon
Your parents almost named you “Zach” but chose Benjamin Joseph instead. They refrained from telling you that your last name was pronounced “semen” until you learned it in “Growth & Development” in middle school. You would never forgive them.
2. You Wrote This Article
You couldn’t identify with any of the BuzzFeed lists that glutted up your Facebook NewsFeed so you decided to make this list because you thought it would be funny. It KINDA is.
3. Your Parents Are Marty and Linda Siemon
They have made peace with the fact you will never financially be able to support them in their old age.
4. Your Twitter @BenjaminJS is OK, But It Could Be Better
Too many bad puns.
5. You Have a Really Bad Acting Reel You Can’t Take Down
For some reason you can’t access taking down this terrible reel that’s more than 4 years old, and it’s one of the first things to pop up when people Google your name. You’ve tried to flag it as “offensive,” which it is, but it doesn’t work.
6. You Wrote a Puppet Musical (No, Not The Famous One, A Different One)
You’re doing your puppet musical about Los Angeles, “La, La, La L.A.!” at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theatre at 8:00pm on July 31st.