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What It’s Like To File Your Taxes When You’re Young And Single

Oh, god, please no.

1. “OK, it’s tax season again.”

2. “I got all my receipts, W-2s, charitable info, health-care info, housing info…”

3. “OK. Concentrate. You can do this.”

4. “No, I am not married.”

5. “No, I don’t have any dependents.”

6. “No, I am not a home owner.”

7. “But I worked really hard last year! So let’s enter my W-2s and see how much I made after taxes…”

8. “Wait. I made how much AFTER TAXES?”

9. “No, seriously. Will Social Security even be available when I’m 65?”

10. “Wait. It says I still owe the government money… I must have entered something wrong.”

11. “My god. I DO still owe.”

12. “Alright, well I now have a good attitude going into my deductions.”

13. “I think I can itemize my deductions.”

14. “Half of these deductions I cannot understand. Why are they asking for an I-90 g form?”

15. “Wait, I only qualify for 2 out of 1,347 deductions?!”

16. “I have to tell the government HOW MUCH about my personal life to write this stuff off?”

17. “Yeah, I think that old futon I left on the street corner was charity.”

18. “And I know I donated that mattress to Salvation Army.”

19. “I tithed on Easter Sunday for sure.”

20. “Yes. Of course I have receipts for all of these donations.”

21. “Yes, I do still owe a shitload of student loans. Thanks for reminding me of my financial state, IRS.”

22. “But wait…now I get a $91 refund!”

23. “Straight money!”

24. “VICTORY!”

25. “What’s that? My spoiled friend who never works gets a bigger refund than me?”

26. “Whatever. Still gettin’ a refund.”

27. “That was a painful two hours. Lets file this bitch and get it over with.”

28. “WHAT! Now I have to do it again for STATE AND LOCAL TAXES?!”

29. “Oh, and I have to pay 75 bucks to file this?”

30. “OK, filed. Status pending…”

31. “Your Federal Return Has Been Accepted!”

32. “The IRS has accepted this return.”

33. “You’re finished with your taxes.”

34. “‘Til next year, IRS.”

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