The Essential Guide To Congressional Facial Hair

Face facts.

Glorious facial hair used to be common in the U.S. House and Senate.

Oregon’s Republican U.S. Senator John Mitchell in 1885.

But today, the art of the well-manicured face hair has all but disappeared in the halls of power in D.C.

COME ON, PEOPLE?! Think of it!

So here is a complete guide to the brave men who CURRENTLY serve with facial hair.

1. Some members choose to sport the Thin ‘Stache.


2. The Grizzly Grey Goatee.


3. The White ‘Stache of Wisdom.


4. The Gandalf Goatee.


5. The Trimmed Mountain Man.


6. The Mario Mustache.


7. The REAL Mountain Man.


8. The Bald-Stache.


9. The Hologram Goatee.


10. Salt-n-Pepper ‘Stache.


11. The Flavor Saver.


12. The Glorified Neck Beard.


So here’s to the proud tradition of facial hair in Congress. May it return to its former glory soon!


Better days, Mr. Issa. Better days.

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