29 Hill Staffer Problems

Bro, this is the worst.

Working on Capitol Hill is so fetch…

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29. …except when you’re meeting with a lobbyist whose suits cost more than your annual salary.

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28. Or having to facilitate constituent meetings that make you nervous.

For an issue you know absolutely nothing about.

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Then having people cry in those meetings.

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27. Constituents not knowing how to address your boss.

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26. Going through TSA every day on your way to work.

Getty Images

Santa is even wanded down.

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And having this lady in front of you.

Kiss your next 17 minutes away at the metal detector.

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25. Having your personal salary be searchable.

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24. People saying “You work for me!”


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23. Dealing with your district offices.

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22. Everyone back home thinking you are SUPER rich.

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21. Awkward photos with your boss.

Who is not sure who you are.

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20. Is it a 5 o’clock or a 6 o’clock day?

And wait… do I have to wear a suit today?

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19. Getting called a “staff ass.”

Which is short for staff assistant.

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18. Not having interns to blame for screw ups.

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17. Deciding between parking or metro benefits?

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16. Not getting to smoke in your office when “Boehner can smoke in his.”

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15. Watching House of Cards and critiquing small inaccuracies.

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14. Not being on The Hill’s “50 Most Attractive People on the Hill” list… again.

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13. Deciding whether to watch CSPAN-2 and CSPAN-3.

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12. Being told that the person you are trying to reach in another office is “really busy” when you know what they are really doing:

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11. Not having enough time for a 3 p.m. froyo run.

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10. Eating most lunches at your desk.

One word: CRUMBS.

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9. Getting caught in a tourist photo-op.

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8. When a reception is ALL THE WAY on the House side.

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When a reception is ALL THE WAY on the Senate side.

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An accurate map for reference:

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7. Complaining about government-run health care when you have government-run health care.

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6. Forgetting to wear a suit while still in session.

Rookie mistake!

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5. Listening to the married people in your office complain about their commute from the Maryland or Virginia suburbs.

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4. Having to come up with stupid acronyms for your bosses’ bills.

Helping Home Owners Make Energy-Efficiency Residential Upgrades Now Act of 2008 aka H-HOMERUN Act.

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3. Needing 2+ phones and having NO POCKET SPACE.

Personal phone, work Blackberry, campaign cellphone. I need a utility belt!

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2. Having a master’s degree and feeling stupid.

Got a master’s degree? Yes, great. Then you can help with folding mail.

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1. Getting rejected…

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…until that person finds out that you work for Leadership.

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h/t to all the bros and broette staffers who contributed to this piece by complaining at Happy Hour.

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