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15 Things All Metalheads Will Appreciate

Death to all but metal.

1. If you can read the band logo it’s not brutal enough.

He who hath the eyes to see, let him prove it in the comments section.

2. Black is the warmest color.

3. Smiling is only acceptable during omens such as these.

4. You’d rather listen to this cartoon band…

…than any real-life artists on this list.

5. You already know how this ends because you actually followed the case.

Such is the rule of honor.

6. Arguing about genre labels is annoying.

Having said that, this is not metal.

7. Death metal/tech death albums are basically English courses…

“However cleverly yet blatantly shrouded, to have perception and not care about it. Matching our cognition as a species, A.I. develops into a conscious being.”

“Welcome, you fool of blunder, insert rite of nether dreams. Sheep or leader, your worth equals filth. I grant illusions of purging flesh; no dog shall be spared.”

“Betwixt the furrows of senescent hands, blemishes remain etched to tell of myriad triumphs. Monoliths stand elevated to bear testament of grandeur, but - like flesh and all physical things - they will fade.”

8. And the University of Heavy Metal also offers courses in…

Introduction to Norse Mythology.

Social Politics of the Gallic Wars.

Military Strategy in the Byzantine Empire.

Advanced Mathematics and Existentialism.

…just to name a few.

9. We don’t always take ourselves so seriously.

Pirate-folk-metal.

Schwarzenegger-groove-thrash.

Schizophrenia-core.

10. We have the hottest female artists.

Cristina Scabbia - Lacuna Coil

Marta Peterson - Bleeding Through

Same goes for the dudes.

Brandan Schieppati - Bleeding Through

Tuomas Holopainen - Nightwish

11. “Oh, so you listen to screamo?”

12. You name-drop the list of pits you’ve been in like a wartime service record.

“Yeah, I was in the wall of death during Heaven Shall Burn’s set…”

“Wacken ‘09…it was a bloodbath…”

13. Any time someone brings up djent.

Or kvlt.

14. Metalhead or not - you can’t deny this genre is overflowing with insanely talented and skilled artists.

15. And the same goes for the fans.

Party on, headbangers.

Paramount Pictures / Via i.imgur.com

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