1. Sometimes you just want your own personal space but you can't really say that out loud because then you look like a miserable, unromantic bastard.
2. A blatantly obvious reason why spooning is the worst: the dead arm.
I don't get why people like spooning. Why of course, please lay on my arm while you're crushing it and restricting the blood flow. Nah fam
A dead arm can quickly turn into pins and needles and that's not fun for anybody.
3. If you're the little spoon, there's a lot of heavy breathing in your ear.
4. Or if you're the big spoon, you suddenly become aware that you're breathing like an enraged rhinoceros and you try to control it but end up not breathing and seriously, no air is no fun.
5. Someone breathing on your neck tickles to the point of torture.
6. You're so close together that they talk too loud in your ear and leave you with tinnitus.
7. Or they talk too quietly, so it sounds like an awkward sex whisper.
8. You get nothing but a face full of hair.
9. You can't see the TV because of the fucking hair.
10. There is always ~one~ awkward arm you don't know what to do with.
Spooning is comfortable for like 15 seconds and then it's just like fuck what do I do with my other fucking arm
11. Sometimes you've had a particularly heavy dinner and you don't want their hands all around your gut.
12. There's a lot of sweating, which isn't romantic or cute at all.
13. Let's not even get started on spooning in summer.
14. You always need the bathroom but you don't want to ruin the moment so you just let your bladder suffer.
15. Somehow you always end up with approximately 3% of the bed, while the other 97% is not being used at all.
16. Spooning leaves you vulnerable to a sneak tickle attack and that's just not on.
17. Spooning usually turns to forking and sometimes you just want to fucking chill out and not have to worry about penetration every five minutes.
18. Someone always walks in and you're just kind of wrapped up together and it's awkward for everybody involved so you try to untangle yourself but it's too late and the awkwardness is here to stay.
19. You always try to spoon on the sofa but it's never big enough.
20. When your spooning buddy falls asleep, you just don't know what to do with yourself.
21. Boys can't seem to control their erections, which is amusing for like five minutes and then it's just annoying.
22. Most of the time you both want to stop but neither of you wants to be the miserable bastard that puts an end to the "cute" moment.
23. Although spooning is actually the worst, it's OK when you ~really~ like the person.
24. And sometimes a dead arm is worth it.
