We all know Kanye’s feelings about gold diggers. But what about slate diggers? Honister slate mine, in Keswick, Cumbria, has been pumping out the rocks for the last three hundred years, with a mixture of modern and traditional methods. He and North could one of several fully guided tours which run every day, detailing the history and “spectacular” features of the mine.
Kim may have blushed when Oprah asked her if Kanye was the “new fairytale” – but she should visit the old fairytale first! Houghton Tower, a 16th-century manor-house in Preston, Lancashire, has stunning turrets and gardens to die for. And there’s even a collection of dolls’ houses to entertain North while Kim relaxes in the tea room. But watch out: the tower is only open on Sundays.
Kanye says he’s the Steve Jobs of “Internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period”, so he should definitely visit the Apple Store in Manchester’s Trafford Centre. For three years, the Trafford Centre was the largest shopping centre in the UK (until Bluewater in Kent came along), so even Kanye and Kim couldn’t afford everything in there. Just the marble floors alone cost £5.8m to lay, while the gold leaf which records the columns ought to make the new parents feel right at home. When they’re done shopping, Kanye, Kim and North can have fun in Laser Quest – or maybe watch a film in the Odeon cinema.
The New York Times described the lyrics of Kanye’s new album, Yeezus, as “among the most serrated and provocative of his career”. But how does he write those lyrics? If it’s using a pencil, perhaps he and North should take time out to vist the Cumberland Pencil Museum. They can follow the path of pencil making “from the reign of Elizabeth I to the present day” – and a quiz for children promises an adventure in discovery for little North. At the end of it all, maybe Kanye can pick up a pencil to write his next multi-platinum album with?
“Everybody knows I’m a ******-******* monster”, go the lyrics to one of Kayne West’s most famous songs, Monster. But if he wants to show North a real monster, why not go to Chester Zoo? There, the whole family could visit the Bugs exhibition, open until 3 November. Gigantic robotic bugs let North – and Kim, if she can handle it! – see creepy-crawlies in a detail which she’d never get up close. Afterwards, maybe Kanye could wrestle a tiger? Even better, the direct bus link from Chester Railway Station means they can leave the car at home.