14 Types Of Poo Almost Every Human Being On Earth Has Suffered Through

There's so much variety!

1. The ghost poo

Fox

One of those insane, almost mythical poos that pop out, and leave no trace on the toilet paper. Incredible, highly sought after poo.

2. The "oh sweet jesus it's happening, it's happening" poo

Universal Pictures

It comes upon you suddenly and without warning. Maybe you get a stabbing pain, a bit of a rumble, and then... Pray you find a loo in time.

3. Rabbit droppings

Universal Pictures

The world's least satisfying poo? Massive strain to get it out, then just a few pellets at the bottom of the toilet. And you know there's more in there.

4. The biggest poo you ever did

Becky Barnicoat / BuzzFeed

You are shocked, appalled, but also very proud of the massive poo child you just brought into the world.

5. Krakatoa

vimeo.com

When the volcano Krakatoa blew in 1883, it made the loudest sound ever recorded in modern history, but your explosive shit is close on its heels. This is one of those cases of diahorrea which leave the toilet bowl looking like a crime scene. Kind of satisfying but at the same time extremely unpleasant.

6. Revenge of the chilli

20th Century Fox

It was one of the most delicious Jalfrezi curries of your life, but the next morning your bumhole must pay the price.

7. The first poo at your new boyfriend/girlfriend's house

Becky Barnicoat / BuzzFeed

You wish you didn't have to do one, and maybe if you're really strong you just force it back inside again til you're home. But sometimes, you gotta drop one in a romantic-ish setting, and it's loaded with fear and anxiety and air freshener.

8. The poo that never was

Spencer Althouse

You thought you needed one, but nope – just a lil' toot.

9. The splash-back plop

Adam Ellis

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

10. The fifth poo of the day

bestharyanvijokes.blogspot.co.uk

Some days you're full of shit, other days nothing comes out. The body is a strange and marvellous thing.

11. The nervous poo

Twitter: @CateSevilla

The terrible, urgent poo that strikes before a job interview, an exam, some test results. Accompanied by shaking hands and a pale complexion. As soon as the drama's over, your poos return to normal.

12. The inconvenient poo

youtube.com

Sometimes you're just caught off guard. Hopefully it's at the beach and you can squat behind a sand dune, rather than in the street.

13. The poo that won't

Reuters

A proper vein-popper, this stubborn bastard will give you hemorrhoids if you try and force it out. Just relax, eat a load of prunes, drink a ton of water, and eventually nature will take it's course.

Bonus poo that only people who menstruate get to enjoy:

14. The period poo

Universal Pictures

It's a symphony of cramps, things gushing from every orifice, buckling pain, sweating, and exhaustion. A lesser-discussed misery that people with wombs must endure.