Let’s start with the most believable and go from there…
1. America’s most powerful leaders all worship owls.
San Francisco’s Bohemian Club does exist, but the rumors that have circulated around the organization have grown exponentially crazier over the years. The “best” one was that many of the nation’s most powerful politicians dressed up in hoods and worshipped owls. It turns out that the symbol of the club IS an owl, but only because owls are synonymous with “knowledge.” What goes on among the members, however, remains a mystery. We can guess it’s probably not sitting around and worshipping owls, though.
2. Britney Spears worked with the Bush Administration.
So it’s pretty obvious that Britney Spears is an off-the-books employee of the Bush Administration. Oh, that wasn’t obvious? Well stick this in your pipe and (don’t) smoke it: Conspiracy theorists believe that Spears’s public meltdowns (most notably the 2007 head-shaving, paparazzi-beating, baby endangering meltdown of all meltdowns) were strategically planned to happen every time Bush made an oopsie to divert America’s attention. What Bush blunder was Brit Brit trying to conceal by nearly ruining her life in 2007? Bush’s announcement of al-Qaeda’s reformation. Duh!
3. Keanu Reeves is immortal.
Maybe the best celebrity conspiracy theory floating around is that Keanu Reeves is immortal and/or a vampire. One piece of concrete proof they cite is the fact that his looks have not changed drastically for almost 20 years.
The same theorists believe that the “Matrix” star might actually be Paul Mounet, a French actor. Sorta, kinda, if you squint a little….
Mounet died in 1922 and no body was found… BECAUSE KEANU IS STILL WEARING IT! You know, maybe.
4. Steve Burns died of a heroin overdose.
When the host of Blue’s Clues—a children’s show on Nickelodeon (ugh, having to explain that makes us feel old)—inexplicably left the show in 1999, a conspiracy theory followed shortly after. Was he fired? No. Was he tired of counting fruit that wasn’t actually there with a dog that wasn’t actually there? No. Was he addicted to heroin? Sure! Even nastier versions of the theory claimed Steve died of a heroin overdose. Come on, guys… would an actor who probably dreamed of winning Oscars but instead spent seven years talking to animated salt and pepper shakers turn to drugs?! Um, never mind.
But don’t worry—Steve’s actually alive and well. Here he is performing in 2011!
5. Paul McCartney has been dead for 47 years.
There are a handful of conspiracy theories out there of celebrities who faked their own death and are still alive: Elvis, Tupac, Michael Jackson, etc. But even more bizarre is the theory that Paul McCartney is dead. Yes, the Paul McCartney that is still alive. In the late 1960s, rumors were circulating that the Beatles frontman died and was replaced with a look-a-like and sound-a-like so that the band could keep performing. Theorists also believe that the cover of Abbey Road, where Paul is the only one barefoot and out of synch with the others’ strides, was the band’s way of telling fans without actually telling them.
6. Water fluoridation results in dumber, more subservient people.
Basically the government when it’s making our water.
Because it’s just completely ludicrous that the Government would try to do anything to help its citizens, OBVIOUSLY fluoride isn’t actually good for our teeth but actually good for TAKING CONTROL OF OUR MINDS. Back in the Commie days, some good-old-fashioned Americans believed that fluoride lowered IQs and lowered peoples’ free will. While some still believe that, most believe in rational sense—that is, that fluoride makes our teeth more resistant to acidic things. So. Guess that one’s up to you.
7. The Bushes are shape-shifting, alien lizards.
Citing historical evidence (wink) that back in “the ancient world,” David Icke—a former sports presenter—claims that “you find this recurring theme of a union between a non-human race and humans,” creating a superior hybrid race—naturally, the most fit to rule. Extrapolating, he points out that it’s pretty clear that the Bush family are “bloodsucking alien lizards”; however, this isn’t clear to everyone else because of pop culture and all those dang reality shows. To be honest, everything on reality shows sounds a bit more realistic than this theory.