1. James Bond’s Aston Martin DBS V12
007 has (rightfully) had a thing for Aston Martins for the majority of his storied career, but perhaps none quite as badass as the DB5 of the Sean Connery era. Ever since it first appeared in 1964’s Goldfinger, this bad boy has repped the “most famous car in the world” moniker pretty well, to say the least. Daniel Craig’s DBS V12 is no joke either, but none feature as many “handy features” as the DB5. For starters, it’s got bulletproof windows, oil slicks and a variety of other defense mechanisms, revolving license plates, and—of course—an ejector seat. Deal with that.
2. Battle Cat
You might think He-Man is badass enough on his own, but you’d be wrong. The man rides an effing cat into battle (or the grocery store, laundromat, whatever). Can you even fathom cruising around on the back of a giant, green-furred, helm-sporting CAT WARRIOR? Nope. But I bet you wish you could.
3. Abrams M1A2 Tank
Tanks are basically mobile houses with massive guns on them. Not only do you get to drive around doing whatever you want, but only have to walk a couple feet to use the toilet and make yourself a cup of coffee. Oh yeah, and to blow up anything that has a problem with it.
4. International XT
International’s XT line—literally, “Extreme Truck”—is just perfect for when Hummers simply aren’t enough. These days, practically any plebe can own a Hummer, but if you wanna roll in the same circles as people like Ashton Kutcher, then the International CXT is the ride for you. Not only are they twice the weight of a Hummer H1, they weigh 25,999 pounds and cost up to $115,000. Ain’t no messin’ around with this truck.
Okay, whatever, this one is self-explanatory. The freaking thing is armored to all hell (it’s caught on fire multiple times and barely ever shows a single trace of it), features the most badass tech available to (bat)man, and CAN TRANSFORM INTO AN INSANE MOTORCYCLE if worse comes to worst. You can’t possibly ask for more.
6. Wonder Woman’s Invisible Jet
The Invisible Jet doesn’t get nearly enough credit for how insane it is. First of all, it was built by the Amazons and according to legend, was once a Pegasus handed down from the Gods of Mount Olympus, tamed and adapted into a plane—because, hey, you gotta keep up with modern technology. Anyway so it’s invisible, can fly extreme distances without refueling, and it doesn’t make its occupants invisible, so it just looks like you’re chilling in the sky. So that’s pretty sweet.
7. Tree Harvester: Danglehead Processor
Instead of cruising in your mom’s old Pontiac, how about a DANGLEHEAD PROCESSOR? Forget about common courtesy at four-way stops, if someone doesn’t give you the right-of-way, just smash their car with a two-ton crane. No blinkers, because who needs ‘em.
8. Back to the Future’s DeLorean
Frankly, any time-traveling thing would’ve made this list, but the DeLorean is just the perfect marriage between advanced technology and state-of-the-art (ahem) design [at least when it’s in sepia tone]. But Back to the Future is badass, time-traveling would be awesome, and just look at this thing. Nothing wrong with any of this.
9. Ghostbusters Ecto-1
From its iconic siren to the fact that it’s just this old-sassy-station-wagon-turned-ghost-catching-machine, anyone should want the Ecto-1. Even if you “ain’t scared of no ghost,” you could probably fire up the siren and not have to bother waiting at stops anymore.
10. AT-AT Walker
The AT-AT is
probably definitely the slowest vehicle on this list, but also the one capable of wreaking the most havoc on your enemies or anyone who just happens to be standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. These pups have “extremely heavy armor and armament” and it’s in their M.O. to favor “fear over function.” What’s also pretty awesome is that they only need to be manned by two people, so you could just fire it up and go for a Sunday afternoon “walk” with your bro.