What It Feels Like To Be Missing Carnival In Trinidad

If you're like me, you're at work right now on the verge of having a mental breakdown. Its Carnival Tuesday in Trinidad and Tobago, and for Trinis not attending carnival, this is the worst day of the year. Allow me to vent a little here...

Carnival Tabanca

photo credit: Trini Jungle Juice

It's currently 28 degrees in NYC, the snow on the ground is melting preparing for a fresh new batch to be dumped on the streets tomorrow. Meanwhile, in the streets of Port of Spain the familiar sound of SOCA is pulsating thru massive speakers to the delight of countless half naked revelers. They're in the hot sun 'chippin down de road' with their cups filled with liquor (and it's barely 11am). This is Carnival Tuesday, the climactic end to the Carnival Season in Trinidad and Tobago. For Trinis like myself who are not able to attend this year for a number of reasons; some being financial, some are pregnant, and some cannot attend simply for legal reasons. This is 'pressure'. We are suffering from "Carnival Tabanca", which in the TNT vernacular, stands for 'a longing or emptiness caused by the void of Carnival'. This is a different kind of 'tabanca' however, its not the same as the 'carnival tabanca' that we are diagnosed with upon returning to NY from Carnival. NO. This is the worst kind. We did not attend, and we are suffering for it. We were not at the Fetes, we did not play Jourvet (the early morning start of carnival where revelers party with mud, cocoa, powder and paint!), we didn't eat a doubles, we didn't take a dip in MARACAS. What we did do, is shovel snow, freeze we arse off in de cold, went to work, and cried. A lot of our friends are on the road in T&T, and they're not holding back from posting on Social Media. This is where my despair begins.

If you're suffering like me, you more than likely have a NEWSFEED filled with pictures of your friends grinning from ear to ear. They know why they posting those pics. Those pics are for you. They want you to know they're having the time of their lives, it doesn't matter how many times one does Carnival, its the GREATEST experience every single time! So you try to scroll past it, but you can't. You click it for a closer look. The ladies are scrutinizing the poster's costume, makeup, shoes and hair. The men are analyzing the women too, but in a different way (right fellas?). Now there are some people currently in T&T that are posting way too much. If you still have the ability to take a flawless picture with your phone or camera, you're not drinking enough. I've attended close to a decade's worth of carnival, and I have about 5 pictures from the Road (and I didn't take any of them...thanks TJJ!!).

guardian.co.tt

this one's for you !

Why its a bitter-sweet kind of feeling...

I love seeing people enjoying my culture and homeland, yet here I am envying them. I'm jealous that they're gyrating on a stranger, I'm mad that they're feeling a sort of euphoria that only T&T Carnival can supply you with. I'm frustrated that they can close their eyes, feeling the energy around them, they can raise their hands and glasses to the air while feeling the hot sun beat on their faces. I'm hurting inside. I want to jam on a stranger too!! Unfortunately this will not be the last time I choose to miss Carnival, so I'm going to get used to this feeling. I plan on growing up eventually and having a child, getting married and pretty much ending this fantastic reign of bacchanal that has culminated to this little article...but even with all those plans, I still intend on sneaking in a couple more carnivals before I retire officially. Currently, both my parents who are in their 50's are in T&T playing de' arse. I love them and envy them. I hope that I have the energy and the ability to play mas in my country til I am old and grey! For now, I'll sit in my office with my scarf on, my toes freezing, and my eyes filled with tears. I'm happy that so many people are enjoying what will be the most memorable experience of their lifetimes, but I am dying inside. I know that at 5:30pm, I will have to run out in de cold and sit in my freezing car until it warms up, but I will be playing SOCA, and for a moment there, I will close my eyes and pretend I'm at Carnival too.....and it will be pure ECSTASY.

carnival info

Sweet Sweet T & T !!