lol

The World’s 13 Laziest Salmon

These salmon are bums. (h/t to McSweeney’s for the suggestion)

1.

“Swimming is a futile effort.”

2.

“Thanks for carrying me. I was getting tired.”

3.

“You want me to finish crossing the road? Do I look like a chicken to you?”

4.

“I’m JUST resting!!! Sheesh, get off my back.”

5.

“It’s too hard to avoid being eaten.”

6.

“Can you work my caudal fins for me? I can’t bring myself to bother.”

7.

“I’ll spawn when I’m goddamned ready to spawn.”

8.

“Do I look like I want to leap for you? Get out of here.”

9.

“I meant to have the dentist do something about my teeth… Maybe I just need to floss more.”

10.

“This was inevitable, really. It’s easier to just be done with it.”

11.

“I mean, he caught me. I’m not bothering to contest it, so I’ll just have to live with the consequences.”

12.

“Look, SHUT UP. I can see he’s right in front of me. I’ll eat him in a moment.”

13.

“Dude, don’t act like it’s so weird to just see a fish sitting there. It happens. No need to judge me.”

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