20 Reasons Koalas Are Utterly Ridiculous

Koalas, why are you like this? Do you want to ruin your reputation?

1. Because sometimes you’re driving home from work and this happens.

2. Because they think a tree is an appropriate place to eat a popsicle.

3. Because they don’t understand the meaning of “personal space.”

4. Because they insist on being served milk while sitting in a coffee mug.

5. Because they follow you to the laundromat and steal your panties.

6. Because they frequently mistake dogs for futons.

7. Because they can’t cycle for more than 30 yards without demanding a pit stop.

8. Because they think this is a good shark impression.

9. Because they let their friends convince them to do risky things.

10. Because they all aspire to be American Apparel models.

11. Because every meal is overly formal and pretentious.

12. Because they are weirdly insistent that you brush your teeth three times a day.

13. Because if the water is too hot or too cold you’ll never hear the goddamned end of it.

14. Because no matter how old they are, they always ask the doctor for a lollipop.

15. Because if you try to have a serious conversation this is how they respond.

16. Because they will attempt to hide your mismatched socks.

17. Because they always want hugs at the most inappropriate times.

18. Because they celebrate Easter in the middle of August for no apparent reason.

19. Because goddamned koalas are always messing up your hair.

20. Because they’ve heard the rumors but are still willing to date Taylor Swift.

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