1. Because sometimes you’re driving home from work and this happens.
2. Because they think a tree is an appropriate place to eat a popsicle.
3. Because they don’t understand the meaning of “personal space.”
4. Because they insist on being served milk while sitting in a coffee mug.
5. Because they follow you to the laundromat and steal your panties.
7. Because they can’t cycle for more than 30 yards without demanding a pit stop.
9. Because they let their friends convince them to do risky things.
12. Because they are weirdly insistent that you brush your teeth three times a day.
13. Because if the water is too hot or too cold you’ll never hear the goddamned end of it.
14. Because no matter how old they are, they always ask the doctor for a lollipop.
15. Because if you try to have a serious conversation this is how they respond.
16. Because they will attempt to hide your mismatched socks.
17. Because they always want hugs at the most inappropriate times.
18. Because they celebrate Easter in the middle of August for no apparent reason.