36 Things You Will Naturally Understand If You’re From Colorado

Things are a little better in the Mile High state. Also, weirder. And higher.

1. You always know which way is west.

2. You definitely know what it feels like to accidentally unlock someone else’s Subaru Outback.

3. In Colorado, there’s no such thing as “normal” weather.

4. And it sucks when you accidentally leave your car windows cracked.

5. You know the joy of getting up early to get in a few runs before school/work, assuming you’re not too hungover.

6. And laughing at what the West Coast calls “snow.”

7. You’re always waiting for the moment your entire state erupts into wildfires every June through August.

Actual satellite photo of Colorado June through August.

8. *ACCURATE*

9. Despite that, you make the annual pilgrimage to the fireworks outlets camped right on the other side of the Wyoming border every July.

 

10. Everyone knows that nothing stops CU students from celebrating at Norlin Quad every April 20th.

 

11. Even the governor gets it.

12. You know we all have to do whatever it takes to keep from being overrun by Californians. (Sorry, Californians.)

13. You know every band from Colorado, regardless of how few hits they had.

 

14. You’ve met an actual, real-life Cowbro.

15. You have go-to orders ar Noodles & Co., Tokyo Joe’s, and Big City Burrito.

Wisconsin Mac & Cheese with meatballs

whatyouremissingkc.blogspot.com

Yakitori Bowl with chicken.

gobrazz.com

Potato burrito with corn, hot salsa, and sour cream.

sodahead.com

 

16. Or maybe Illegal Pete’s, if you’re into that sort of thing. No judgments.

17. And you’ve struggled with having too many beers to choose from.

 

It’s a blessing and a curse.

18. At some point, Casa Bonitas made you think that cliff diving was a viable career option.

19. These were the closest thing we had to celebrities growing up.

20. You grew up believing the rumors that Dealin’ Doug always wore those big rings to cover up knuckle tattoos.

21. And you’re familiar with the sublime weirdness of Big Sur Waterbeds commercials.

22. You know how painful a room full of freshly picked mint leaves truly can be.

My eyes are STILL watering.

23. You were always jealous that Jake Jabs got to play with baby tigers in all those American Furniture Warehouse commercials.

Seriously, how is this not a national best seller?

24. You know that you have a friend in the diamond business.

One half mile east of I-25 on Arapahoe or in Westminster off highway 36 and 104th. Open weekdays ‘til 8, Saturday and Sunday ‘til 5 or online at Shaneco.com.

25. Because you’ve spent a lot of time listening to one of these radio stations:

 

26. You always wanted Blinky the Clown on Channel 2 to sing Happy Birthday to you. (RIP Blinky)

27. This man is a god to you.

28. And you definitely cheered on the Blake Street Bombers.

29. You know the difference between a frisbee golf disc and an ultimate frisbee disc. It’s not that hard, people!

30. You know where to find all the conservatives in the state.

I’m looking at you, Colorado Springs.

31. And all the liberals too.

I’m looking at you, Boulder.

32. You know that Greeley is the butt of every joke.

(You’d think that the city known for its meat-processing facilities would know better than to make this their slogan.)

33. And you’ve got no idea what they’re up to in those mountain towns.

Case in point: Frozen Dead Guy Days in Nederland, Colo.

34. But somehow you still know exactly where the real South Park is.

Hint: It’s Fairplay, Colorado.

35. You don’t understand why everyone thinks it’s weird that there’s a crazy, red-eyed bronco outside the Denver International Airport.

Did you know that this statue actually fell on the artist that created it and crushed him to death? WELCOME TO COLORADO!

36. And you know that there’s no place in the world with better sunsets.

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