I doubt a guy who looks like that is going to need that contraption. But it will definitely be a hit with the Patton Oswald look a like crowd.

A Sybian for men.

Dang, how lazy do you have to be?

You know that model's parents are proud.

Your parents are going to love finding that in your apartment after you die in a freak accident (possibly because of this device, depending on how freaky you like to get).

Will Universal Health Care pay for this
It may change my vote.

maybe i am old fashioned, but this all just seems way to complicated and expensive compared to a good ol' 5-fingered wank.

Helpful hint: It doesn't work as well if you leave it in your pants.

wow the third option even has pockets for either the remote or lube!

Oh, so THAT's what I using as an ottoman at the party last night?

Good luck hiding that from mom.