• 1. Take a sip…

    If Steve Jobs takes the stage wearing a black turtleneck and jeans.

  • 2. Take a swig…

    If Steve Jobs is looking healthier.

  • 3. Finish a can…

    If Steve Jobs is just a head in a jar.

  • 4. Take a sip…

    Every time someone you follow tweets about the press conference.

  • 5. Take a swig…

    For every new cell carrier that will now be able to provide service for the iPhone.

  • 6. Take a sip…

    Anytime someone says the phrase “game changing.”

  • 7. Take a swig…

    For every slide about Apple’s “market shares” shown during the presentation.

  • 8. Take a sip…

    If the new tablet device is called the “iPad.”

  • 9. Take a swig…

    If the new tablet device is called any besides the “iPad.”

  • 10. Finish a can…

    If the new tablet device doesn’t even have a lowercase “i” anywhere in the name.

  • 11. Take a sip…

    Every time an executive from a partner company is invited on stage to speak.

  • 12. Finish a can…

    Every time an executive from a partner company is invited on stage to strip.

  • 13. Take a sip…

    Anytime an old feature is presented as new and revolutionary.

  • 14. Take a swig…

    If anything actually has any new features.