1. You only really need to buy one outfit for the rest of your life.
Everyone looks good in plaid.
3. Maine is the only state that borders only one state, so we’re not contaminated like the rest of those filthy state-touchers.
4. We’re also one of the only states with just one area code, so that’s one less thing we have to worry about remembering.
5. We know what seasons actually feel like.
You’re not one of these coddled Southerners, with their scorching hot summers and their mild winters with nothing in between. In Maine, we’re proud of our seasons. (If only we could figure out a way to keep the other New Englanders out during Autumn.)
6. Not that we’re any good at dressing for them though.
There’s just something about a 45º day in October that’s different than a 45º day in April. You know if when you feel it.
7. Sometimes we just split the difference.
During those transition months, it can be hard to tell if it’s a shorts day or a jacket day. Best to plan for either scenario.
8. We’re used to terrible weather.
It’s what makes us so strong and hearty. Having to endure a little cold weather gives a person character.
9. We don’t lose our minds over a little snow.
A snow-packed doorway is like nature’s refrigerator. Just pack some beers in there and call it a day. You’re not going anywhere.
10. But also those weird times when it’s not.
It’s not often Maine and Miami are mentioned in the same sentence, but it happens. I blame climate change.
11. This guy gets it.
What? Just because we subject ourselves to more of it than the rest of the country doesn’t mean we can’t complain about it.
12. People in Maine have tougher decisions to make than the rest of the country.
The closer you get to winter, the more and more appealing that cord of wood starts to look.
13. We’re all totally unfazed by a giant boot cruising down the highway.
Living in Maine prepares you for this sort of thing. Sometimes it’s a giant boot, sometimes it’s a monster truck that looks like a lobster. You just sort of get used to it after a while.
14. People from Maine are safer drivers, because we don’t text when we drive.
Because we can’t! There are a lot of perils when you drive on I-95 (ice, moose, etc.), but getting a call or text while you’re driving isn’t one of them.
15. People living in Portland learn how to park the hard way.
When you’ve had to deal with stuff like this your whole life, driving and parking anywhere else in the world is a breeze.
17. And some of the not so best!
It might taste like trash, but it’s our trash.
18. Things are often charmingly quaint.
Sure, they almost definitely meant “chupacabra,” but the attempt is endearing, right?
20. Like, “we have stores that sell guns, wedding gowns, and cold beer” quaint.
21. We may not see eye to eye with Massachusetts on a lot of things, but there’s definitely one thing we agree on.
22. Ice fishing!
Have you ever been ice fishing? You just sit there on the ice getting drunk all day. It’s the best.
23. One thing people in Maine have never had to worry about? Deadly spiders.
Take that, American Southwest.
24. There’s a reason that Maine’s unofficial motto is “the way life should be.”
Beautiful lighthouses overlooking stunning vistas, Sprawling national parks, azure seas meeting majestic mountains… if you were a space realtor trying to convince a friendly family of aliens to move to Earth, you’d show them pictures of Maine.
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