1. He can hold his own in a fight.
When the Court of Owls gave Batman a run for his money, things were looking grim for the Dark Knight and his faithful butler. But Alfred is resourceful. Give him a moment of perfect timing and a giant penny, and he can take out a Talon or two.
2. He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty.
Sometimes there are tights to be pressed and exploding gas balls to be put away. Everyone has a part to play, and Alfred plays his to a tee.
3. In fact, he thrives on getting his hands dirty.
It’s what he does. It’s all he has. It’s an exhausting and thankless job, but without Alfred, Bruce Wayne and Batman would never have made it this far.
4. He has good taste.
If only Bruce listened to his input every now and then, we could have avoided a lot of embarrassing mistakes, like Batman & Robin.
5. He’s a team player.
When Batman was being harassed by a beautiful unknown woman in white lingerie, Alfred wasted no time doing everything in his power to hunt the woman down while Batman was out fighting crime. That’s dedication. So inspiring.
6. He’s got a quick wit…
No need to worry about people stumbling across your super secret crime-fighting lair. Not when Alfred’s there to throw them off your scent.
7. …but he never misses an opportunity to lay down a sick dad joke.
See what I’m talking about? Quick wit.
8. He’s great at putting things in perspective.
Listen, it’s not necessarily a reasonable response to put on a bat costume then spend the rest of your life fighting crime just cause you went through a bit of a traumatic experience. Alfred gets that. He’ll still help you fight a little crime now and then. He just wants you to be aware that maybe some of your life choices are a little over the top.
9. He doesn’t put up with anyone’s shit.
He knows that Bruce Wayne is Batman. He knows that Batman is the world’s greatest detective. He knows Batman has the means to destroy the likes of Superman. He even knows that Batman has defeated some of the world’s worst villains.
He just doesn’t care.
10. …not even from the all-powerful Superman.
In the Injustice: Gods Among Us series, Superman went through some stuff (specifically, the death of his wife and unborn son at his own hands, and the destruction of Metropolis), so he was feeling a bit… grumpy.
When he started forming a new totalitarian world order, he came to Batman for help, but was promptly turned away by the more level-headed Bruce Wayne. On his way out, Alfred managed to get a pretty good zinger in under the wire before Superman went out and took over the planet.
11. Despite his proximity to some very serious people, he tries not to take things too seriously.
Yes, Wally West, that IS a giant dinosaur. Very good.
12. He might be older, but he keeps up with music trends.
And by music trends, I mean English electronica groups from the late ’90s. Pretty hip.
13. …and the latest YA books too.
Okay, so maybe his music references are a little out of date, but look at him dropping this Artemis Fowl reference! He reads YA science fiction books! I bet he’s got a tumblr where he ships Mulch Diggums and Holly.
15. …and exactly what to do to make you feel good about yourself.
A kind word, a display of confidence, a night of dressing up like a maniacal mad-man… Alfred knows what you need and when you need it, and he’s more than willing to accommodate you.
16. He’ll bring you ice cream, even when you’re too busy to sit down and enjoy it with him.
Everyone loves ice cream. Even Batman.
Think about the last time someone brought you ice cream. Think about how that made you feel. Don’t you want to be the type of person who brings people ice cream. Don’t you want to make others happy?
17. He cares without being overbearing.
Alfred just wants everyone to be living their best life. When someone is too busy fighting crime to take care of themselves, Alfred is there to gently remind them of their basic human/bat needs.
That’s some wisdom. Bruce Wayne probably saves tons of money of therapy by having Alfred around.
19. He just wants to help you recognize and break negative cycles.
Alfred has been around for a long time, and has seen a lot of Robins come and go in that time. He knows that we all have our own “Robins” in life, our own disappointments, our our perceived shortcomings. Alfred is here to help us all break our bad habits and live with the Robins we’ve got.
20. He never wants anyone to feel like they’re alone in this world.
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