1. You know this feeling all too well.
2. You're not naïve.
3. You know there's such a thing as too much of a good thing.
4. You only avoid loneliness begrudgingly.
5. You don't trust people.
6. You're always asking yourself the same two questions:
7. You're well acquainted with the vague sense you have instead of a sense of joy.
8. You have to remind yourself of this fact more than is probably normal:
9. You're used to the sensation of parts of you dying, and you no longer care.
10. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
11. You appreciate an erotic gesture like mixing metric and imperial.
12. Literally you:
13. You can't remember what relaxed even feels like.
14. You know a red flag when you see one.
15. You know that your problems will still be there tomorrow.
16. Despite everything you do to avoid it, every moment is an opportunity to be awkward.
17. Lol. Love life.
18. You know that you're smarter than your friends, and it's exhausting.
19. You know that when the times get tough, the tough make their own hummus.
20. Sometimes you just can't help yourself.
21. This.
22. You'd make life-changing calls in an effort to avoid embarrassment.
23. Toasted sandwiches and TV are a viable alternative to dating.
24. There's only one solution when a situation is too awkward:
25. You are well aware of your most erotic muscle.
26. Well... at least you know you've got a long life of boredom ahead of you.
