1. Libraries aren't boring. They can be a good source of free, tasteful pornography.
2. Need to get out of a slow meeting? There's one sure-fire method.
3. But don't feel too bad. There's an upside to everything.
4. Negative opinions can be fair opinions.
5. Some people have weird penises. Try not to make a big deal out of it.
6. It's better to be kind than clever or good-looking.
7. Don't worry too much about getting older. It's not all bad.
8. Words are tough.
9. Expect a lot of slapping and crying. That's life.
10. Don't try to keep up with the kids. That's a losing battle.
11. Case in point.
12. There are plenty of shortcuts in life, but kindness is the only one that works.
13. Don't worry too much about things like budgets. They never work out quite right.
14. Anything can be a learning opportunity with the right perspective.
15. Let others believe what they want to believe. Being nice is the most important thing there is.
16. Even though it's hard, it's important to be selfless.
17. There's always an opportunity to innuendo. Look for it.
18. Don't turn down anything given freely.
19. Know when to abandon a joke.
20. Everyone should spend a little more time strong cuddling.
21. It's better to be clever than crass.
22. Do what makes you happy. Who's going to stop you? The crab police?
