1. What do Ygritte and a Honda HS520A have in common? They’re both snow-blowers.
2. Where do you take your direwolf to get fixed? The Kingspayer.
3. What was Jon Snow’s bakery called? You know muffins, Jon Snow.
4. What did the railing say to the stairs? A bannister always pays his steps.
5. What did the dragon have at McDonalds? A Qarther Pounder.
6. Why couldn’t Robb Stark find his car? Because Lord Karstart was executed for treason.
7. What is the name of the Stark family barbershop? Winter Is Combing.
8. What stopped winter from coming? Winterfell and it can’t get up!
9. What is Robb Stark’s favorite soup? Italian Wedding Massacre.
10. How many Starks does it take to change a light bulb? Nine: one to get executed, one to marry a dwarf, one to dress like a boy, two to get lost up north, and the rest to get horribly massacred at a wedding.
11. What game show is Theon Greyjoy on? Wheel of Torture.
12. What’s Ygritte’s nickname for Jon Snow’s penis? The Snow Cone.
13. What three rings do you need to marry one of Walter Frey’s daughters? A wedding ring, suffe-ring, and murder-ring.
14. What’s the difference between Cersei Lannister and a direwolf? Lipstick.
15. What did the police yell when Walder Frey and his sons tried to rob the Red Keep? “Freys! Put your hands in the air!”
16. Why did Bran take a bath? Because everyone complained of a strong Hodor.
17. You heard about the guy that always got wrinkled clothes back from the dry cleaners, right? He didn’t want to pay the iron price.
18. The same guy tried to get his pants hemmed at the Greyjoy Laundry, but they wouldn’t do it. The guy said “We Do Not Sew”
Here Are The Top Stories
- The U.S. government is investigating possible unlawful coordination by some airlines to keep prices high ✈️
- U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry will travel to Cuba later this summer for the opening of a U.S. embassy there.
- Mozambique implemented a new criminal code that removes a colonial-era law criminalizing homosexuality.