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23 Reasons You Should Never Leave The House

Why is it so impossible to get through a normal day without totally embarrassing yourself? I have no idea how everyone else does it.

1. On your way to work, you walk just fast enough to slowly catch up with the person in front of you, then walk behind them like a creep for several minutes.

2. You see someone you kinda know, and do everything you can to avoid eye contact.

3. You pretend you’re doing something else when you start to wave back at someone who wasn’t waving at you.

4. You get to the office, and hold the door for someone, but they’re a little too far away.

5. The elevator totally silent. You make a comment about how awkward it is. Now it’s more awkward.

6. You joke “I could cut it with a knife!” then a moment later, clarify “the awkwardness… not you.”

7. You’re introduced to someone new, and INSTANTLY forget their name.

8. Your friend turns to talk to someone you don’t know, and you just stand their silently.

9. Finally get the introduction. Someone says “Nice to meet you.” and you reply “Good.”

10. You finally chime in with a joke, but you’re halfway through the set-up, and you realize you don’t remember the punchline.

11. Someone says something to you, but you don’t quite hear them. You say “yeah” and they just stare at you, expecting an answer to the question they asked.

12. You finally sit down, and take off your sweater. Oops, you just took off all your shirts.

13. You send an email, then immediately go to your sent mail and read it again.

14. Your chair makes a sound like a fart, so you keep repeating the motion trying to recreate the sound.

15. You blank out for a second, staring into space. You fail to realize that you’re staring right at someone’s face until they give you a look.

16. You notice that cute coworker from across the room, and look them up on Facebook. You accidentally put their name as your status.

17. When you go into the bathroom, you make eye contact with the person in the stall through the crack in the door.

18. You remember a good joke at the urinal, and look like you’re laughing at your own penis.

19. Somebody knocks while you’re using the bathroom. Instead of responding, you cough loudly.

20. You go out for dinner. As you’re waiting, you rehearse your order in your head.

21. You order, and the waiter tells you to enjoy your meal. You say “you too.”

22. As your waiter reaches to collect menus, you go to shake his hand.

23. On your way out, you bump into a chair. You apologize to it.

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