1. When they first stole our prepubescent hearts with their youthful vocals and dreams of time travel.
2. Then puberty happened, and our hearts grew fonder.
This song still holds up. Don’t mind me, just jamming to one of 2007’s finest hits.
3. Disney hopped on the Jonas train shortly thereafter.
Which meant unfortunate haircuts and as many DCOMs they could get out of these boys.
4. During they’re prime (bad haircuts, Disney et al.), they still goofed around.
5. Then they went under the radar for a bit… Oh, and Kevin got married.
He and Danielle had a reality show called “Married to Jonas” for a hot second, so that was a thing that happened.
6. Suddenly, they were all grown up!
And Kevin was quick to tell Chelsea Handler about all the sex he was having. Newlyweds. (Skip to 1:48 for the juicy stuff.)
7. And there songs were a lot more… direct.
The first single from their new album (which we may or may not ever see) is titled “Pom Poms”. In case that wasn’t clear enough, the video leaves little to the imagination.
9. … and gym memberships.
Um… did you say something? Oh, yes, that is my drool, sorry.
10. Just like that, the Jonas Brothers were men. And our fantasies grew up with them.
11. But our dreams were shattered by an unknown “rift within the band”.
Was it Nick’s pecs? It was totally Nick’s pecs.