30 Signs You Went To Brown

In Deo Speramus, amirite?

1. Your older relatives are convinced that Brown is full of hippies.

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Also, that there are no grades. Tell that to my professor!

2. You constantly have to explain to your friends that you do, indeed, have requirements.

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I might not ever take another math class in my life, but that won’t get me out of a theoretical history of anthropology class!

3. You know not to step on the Pembroke seal.

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Because you will get pregnant. And die.

Same goes for walking through the Van Wickle gates before you graduate, and countless other places on campus that will get you pregnant.

4. You have an opinion on the Ratty vs. V-Dub debate.

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Either way, they both have soft-serve machines, so we all win!

5. You’ve been to one sporting event.

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And it was probably for the tailgate. In any case, SPORTS!

6. You’ve loitered in the Blue Room waiting until 4 p.m. so you could use a meal credit.

For the love of focaccia.

7. You’ve survived the Chicken Finger Friday stampede.

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AKA, the only reason to walk all the way from Perkins to the V-Dub.

8. No trip to the Ratty would be complete without a “Hiii” from Gail.

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It almost makes me feel bad about the 10 oranges I stuffed in my backpack.

9. You know that Brown Secure is not that secure.

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Seriously? Every damn time.

10. Housing Lottery = Housing Games.

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They never are.

11. … Nor here.

Damn you, red boxes!

12. You are guilty of any/all of these.

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Heteronormativity: it happens.

13. Receiving Morning Mail means it’s time for bed.

Ugh, it’s 1 a.m. already?! I might as well read it anyway.

14. Heavy Petting makes for the BEST DAY EVER.

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Which you found out about through Morning Mail, at 1 a.m. Duh.

15. Wednesday Wishco is a weekly ritual.

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RIP FishCo. Your legacy lives on.

16. There’s nothing more satisfying at 1 a.m. than a Spicy With.

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With a side of mozzarella sticks, because at Jo’s ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

17. Phe.

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Get with it.

18. You hate Providence winter, but you look forward to seeing Dean Bergeron in her cape.

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Keep Calm and Bergeron.

19. Thayer Street at meal time = trucks on trucks on trucks.

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Bulgogi sliders with a side of truffle fries? Yes, plz.

20. Your TA has given you a donut during the Naked Donut Run.

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Why is a Dunkin’ Donuts Munchkin so much more satisfying when it’s handed to you by a naked person? Oh, right.

21. You’ve had to explain Sex Power God to a friend/relative back home.

We don’t like you either, The O’Reilly Factor.

22. You know who Jesse Watters is.

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He really likes us. Or, at the very least, is very amused by us.

23. You don’t really understand the Strategic Plan, but you know there’s some sort of “trajectory.”

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I should really just read the e-mails.

24. You’ve wondered if that vague Brown Admirers post was about you.

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I’m kind of blonde, if I stand in the right light? Ugh, fine, I found a blonde hair ONCE.

25. You’ve woken up early to buy Spring Weekend tickets, only to have the system crash on you.

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All I want is to confess my love to Childish Gambino, JUST TAKE MY MONEY.

26. You know Dave Binder is the highlight of Spring Weekend.

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I will nurse my hangover AFTER “Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.”

27. Getting a high five from Barrett Hazeltine is a right of passage.

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What a legend.

28. Campus Dance is the most magical night of the year.

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It’s better than Senior Prom, probably better than your wedding.

29. You walk through the Main Green at night during the winter just to see the candles in University Hall.

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So maybe they’re not real candles, but they still give you feels.

30. You don’t care what the rankings say: you know Brown is the happiest school on Earth.

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We love it, that’s all that matters. Go Bruno!

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