When fending off swarms of vampire bats, your hair should always remain perfectly coiffed. Always.
Pleated khakis are the obvious sartorial choice for all your Gorilla-fighting needs.
When facing mortal danger, you can do your best to maintain a look of steely resolve, but sometimes you just have to be like, “Ermergerd, snakes!” And that’s okay. Because you’re still totally pulling off that sleeveless denim shirt.
When planning your next vacation destination, you should stay away from destinations whose names include the words “Man-Eating” or “Rats.”
Actually, you should probably also avoid bodies of water altogether, since they’re all probably filled with weasels. And the weasels will be hungry and they think you taste delicious.
Seriously, you should get out of the water. There’s only so much you can do to defend yourself and your [perpetually red-shirted] damsel in distress from giant crabs if you’re holding your gun backwards.
- President Obama unveiled a climate change plan on Monday that calls for federal limits on the amount of carbon power plants can produce.
- Puerto Rico has failed to make a $58 million debt payment, and credit rating agency Moody's says the U.S. territory is in default.
- The man accused of fatally shooting a Memphis, Tennessee, police officer on Saturday has turned himself in.