When fending off swarms of vampire bats, your hair should always remain perfectly coiffed. Always.
Pleated khakis are the obvious sartorial choice for all your Gorilla-fighting needs.
When facing mortal danger, you can do your best to maintain a look of steely resolve, but sometimes you just have to be like, “Ermergerd, snakes!” And that’s okay. Because you’re still totally pulling off that sleeveless denim shirt.
When planning your next vacation destination, you should stay away from destinations whose names include the words “Man-Eating” or “Rats.”
Actually, you should probably also avoid bodies of water altogether, since they’re all probably filled with weasels. And the weasels will be hungry and they think you taste delicious.
Seriously, you should get out of the water. There’s only so much you can do to defend yourself and your [perpetually red-shirted] damsel in distress from giant crabs if you’re holding your gun backwards.
- Two people on a civilian airplane were killed in a mid-air collision with a military jet in South Carolina. The F-16 jet pilot was ejected and is "in good shape."
- Subway has suspended Jared Fogle, the weight-loss guy from their commercials, due to an FBI investigation.
- Bounce TV and BET will no longer air series featuring Bill Cosby after court records showed he admitted to buying sedatives to give to women.