If you're a millennial with a pulse, you remember this v. famous scene from Zoolander.
So in honor of Zoolander 2 gracing us with its presence this weekend...
A real Derek Zoolander Center was erected in New York City (!!!). Here I am about to go inside, so excited I probz should've been wearing an adult diaper.
Right when you walk in, you see a message from the Father of Blue Steel Himself.
You're greeted by these beefcake male models who literally have glitter all over their skin.
They're really nailing the "Derek in the Mines" look.
Then I really started to break out in nervous hives because these beautiful dudes — MEN WHO ARE SO HOT THAT SOMEHOW THEY'RE WEARING BAGGY HAZMAT SUITS AND MY OVARIES STILL HURT???? — start pampering you with lotion and stuff.
Here I am having my hands caressed and my face sprayed, all in the name of Zoolander ~youth-ificiation.~
This is my best Hello-I-am-trying-to-flirt-with-you-but-you're-spraying-my-face-with-mist-and-it's-impossible-to-look-cute face.
Once I was done embarrassing myself over there, the models each grabbed one of my hands and escorted me to the next part of the center.
Then, I really started feeling the pressure. I had to walk down a runway, MAGNUM style.
Lucky for me, my fingers were doing the walking. Finger modeling is way more fun than regular full-body modeling because I never had to worry about how big my ass looked in blue spandex pants.
So then I got down off the runway and ***LADY BONER ALERT*** this male model started giving me the best damn hand massage I've ever had.
Next was the ~relaxation~ room, where a man who looked like his name should be Sven took me on a meditation journey.
For some reason I decided I wanted his head tie????
And then we did our best Blue Steel. Sven definitely won.
The last station at the Derek Zoolander Center is a photo booth, so the models piled in (one even got on my lap) to take pictures with me.
Okay, I guess it didn't come out too badly? IDK.
Am I a model now?
