1. Write and read your boss’s email because they don’t know how to use computers.
2. Arrange for $10,000 worth of doggie daycare purchases.
3. Walk down the street to the other popular coffee chain restaurant because your boss doesn’t like the way the closer exact same popular chain coffee restaurant makes his non-fat mocha.
4. Buy two $5,000 makeup bags for boss’s personal stylist, immediately followed by a used bike on a sketchy website for under $100 for boss’s best friend.
5. Pluck your boss’s chin hairs.
6. Call your boss’s date to cancel their engagement… permanently.
7. Obey an automated phone message that says “string cheese NOW!” to you at the press of a button by your boss.
8. Spend his time on the clock searching the WORLD WIDE WEB for a pair of discontinued sneakers that fit your boss’s foot size perfectly.
9. Keep a special healing mushroom alive by soaking it in goat’s milk, let it grow to a frightening size, and then filter and preserve the goat’s milk for consumption.
10. Work at the drop of a hat, 24/7, for an uneven amount of compensation.
11. Be responsible for your boss’s dying kumquat tree.
12. Retrieve 200 tennis balls for your boss at any given moment.
13. Watch countless hours of birthing videos so your boss knows what to expect.
14. Get on a plane to another continent at midnight and wind up staying there for three months.
15. Make sure your boss’s diet fruit drink stays on the left-hand side of the refrigerator.
16. Grind your boss’s depression pills into a fine powder before mixing them into mashed potatoes with bacon sprinkled on top.
17. Go to your boss’s house and have conversations with his cats. Use pre-scripted questions and record the cat’s “responses.”
The Nokia Lumia 920 is like a personal assistant who never tells the press what kind of weird things you ask for.