What The People In The Skymall Catalog Are Actually Thinking

Because surprisingly the man using the inflatable velvet neck pillow has a lot on his mind. posted on

1. “If I close my eyes tight enough, it’s almost like I’m not actually wearing this goddamned neon neck pillow.”

Actual product name: “Releaf Neck Rest” — $19.99

2. “I think my kaleidoscope may be broken.”

Actual product name: “Eye Drop Guide” — $6.95

3. “Now everyone knows I’m a seasoned traveler.”

Actual product name: “SkyRest Travel Pillow” — $29.95

4. “I’d tap that.”

Actual product name: “Fanny & Frank Farmer Statues” — $49.95 - $79.95

5. *Googles* “Are turtlenecks supposed to cover your chest?”

Actual product name: “Releaf Neck Rest” — $19.99

6. “Who needs a boyfriend anyway?”

Actual product name: “King Size Heating Pad” — $29.95

7. “Goddamnit, this isn’t the fucking pantry either.”

Actual product name: “Attic Tent” — $169.99

8. “And they said tricycles were for children. TELL THAT TO MY GLUTES.”

Actual product name: “StreetStrider Sprinter 3r” — $1,699.00

9. *hums softly* “I’m starting with the man in the mirror.”

Actual product name: “Fog Free Shower Mirror” — $29.99

10. “The only thing I hate more than walls are my fucking New Balances.”

Actual product name: “FootSmart SmartFlexx” — $29.99

11. “I’m glad I splurged on the couch with the tassels — it really makes the couch.”

Actual product name: “Tranquil Sounds Oxygen Bar” — $399.99

12. “Maybe I should have just gone to the gym.”

Actual product name: “Gentle Standing Back Stretcher” — $199.95

13. “Hehehe, I’m a Ninja Turtle.”

Actual product name: “Mobile Massage System” — $99.95

14. “FML.”

Actual product name: “Mounted Squirrel Head” — $24.95

15. “Note to self: Next time, just buy the bigger pillow.”

Actual product name: “Acupressure Sinus Pillow” — $24.99

16. “One day I’m going to write an HBO show called Girls and then we’ll see who has the last laugh.”

Actual product name: “Personalized Giant Stocking” — $37.49

17. “I’m so glad I don’t have to stretch like a normal fucking person.”

Actual product name: “StretchRite” — $19.99

18. Cat: “I’m glad someone finally realized how talented I am.” Dog: “SQUIRREL!”

Actual product name: “The World of Cats/Dogs DVDs” — $19.99

19. “Be honest with me, I look fat, don’t I?”

Actual product name: “Torso Toner” — $60.00

20. “Now I can finally leave my wife.”

 

Actual product name: “Flair Hair Visor” — $19.99

21. “I am going to die alone.”

Actual product name: “Inversion Captain’s Chair” — $199.95

22. “I totally just farted.”

Actual product name: “The Slanket” — $32.99

23. “Ask me if your laundry is done one more time. I will cut a bitch.”

Actual product name: “Bra Baby (2 Pack)” — $19.99

24. “You think I’m senile?! You just spent $13 on a fucking napkin.”

Actual product name: “Napkleen Clothing Protectors” — $12.95

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